When I feel frustrated that I backslid, when I get angry at the crap that is going on in my life with my Emotional Vampire relative, I need to rewatch The Biggest Loser finale. Oh my goodness. To see what people can do when they push, and when they stop letting the garbage in their lives hold them back...WOW. It is absolutely amazing.
Danny Cahill has to be the most inspiring person I have ever heard about or seen on TV. To see him lose 55% of his body weight in just...what, five or six months time? He went from 430 pounds to 191. And it just absolutely blows my mind.
It also really tells you what you can do, if you put your mind to it.
Anyway, I was watching the finale tonight via the internet because we don't have cable or satellite TV. I was so impressed with the progress of all these people who worked so hard to drop so many pounds. I remember being at 155, and thinking there was no way I could lose any more than that. But to see where you can go if you are willing to put in that extra little bit of work--I realize now I was self-limiting. Telling myself what I could and could not do. Was I fit and healthy, and much smaller? Oh yeah. But I think I could have managed even more, a new level of fitness and health, had I pushed just that much harder, the way the people on the Biggest Loser did.
Everyone "knows" when you go home for a week on BL, you don't lose much. Danny blew everyone away and lost 15 pounds that week that he was home. I thought, man, he did it. I could too. I just need to get my focus back.
Life gets chaotic. I let myself get pulled down by it, and I tell myself I do the best I can, which is true--I do. But when you know better, you can do better. Watching that episode...man. I think I know better. I feel all charged up, and kind of wish it was daytime so we could head out to the YMCA. If the weather tomorrow cooperates (no rain), I'll bring Kara in the jogging stroller. I used to do that earlier this year, but got out of the habit because I HATE HEAT. Ha ha. If I do that, I can get out on the road and start working up the mileage again. I want to do another half marathon--I get so charged up doing those. And I have had it with this backsliding I did.
I gained a total of 40 pounds since moving to this state, and in dealing with the emotional vampire of a certain relative of mine. In fact, just today, this person and I saw each other at a store. She looked as startled as I, and I waved at her--and she said, "Good morning." That was it. I have offered and offered to talk, I have emailed and emailed, I have tried joking around, I have tried offering to go to family counseling, I have beaten my head against the wall over and over, only to have her email to the entire family:
"The temptation to go to professional counseling is great: I'd like to see what would happen with Karina and a counselor. And her family would benefit from her going to see one."
To ask someone over and over to talk, to tell me what I did, to listen to why I am upset, to communicate, and this is the reply--that I need to go to counseling, and that my family would benefit by it. It's truly amazing.
I have given myself the gift of letting it all go. I've listened to enough Dr. Laura to know that I don't have to continue to try to put myself into a relationship with this person, because frankly, in the year I have been here, it has never gotten better. It started with her offering us a place to live while we found a house, only to kick us out, in the middle of the month (so no rentals were available), with four days' notice. This happened just two months later.
Oh, let me rephrase--Kent and Maddy were invited to stay. She told me that the baby and I had to leave. The reason: she had to have surgery to remove a cyst, and needed "time and space" to recover. After we left it became a full hysterectomy and, since then, that's the revisionist history. "You had to go because I had major surgery." Her actions made a family with a 21 month old baby homeless, with noplace to go but two hours away by car over mountain roads to my inlaws' summer house.
And she wonders why I got angry. But despite that, I let it go, I started back at ground zero, and tried again. And again she would ignore my emails, say rude things then refuse to answer my texts, be negative whenever I tried to include her by sending her pictures. And I have so had it!
Naturally I am now the bad person because I've said that until we talk it out, she is not going to have any contact with my family. I can't risk it. My children are being asked to choose between their mother and another relative who won't talk to their mother. The baby doesn't get it, but Maddy does. I don't trust my relative and I don't particularly like her, not after the way she has acted. And watching how her children treat other people...grr. I won't go into detail other than to say that in 53 weeks of finally having our own home in this state, my daughter's favorite cousin has never, ever called her, to say hi or talk or invite her for a play date. And it kills Maddy and it makes me mad.
So that's my chaos. And I've let it drag me down. I've eaten my feelings, and I'm tired of it. I know Danny went through that, that's how he got to 430 pounds himself. But I am still 60 pounds lighter than I was. I am not going to go back to that person--she didn't even walk, let alone run half marathons. I'm ready for the athlete in me to come back to center stage. This poor girl who's been sitting here, eating fudge or hershey's kisses en masse, who has cried too many tears over an emotional vampire, and who has beaten her head against a stubborn wall of "refusal to communicate", has had ENOUGH.
It all starts over now.
I'm going to bed. Yep, before midnight. That, alone, is a major accomplishment, and one I've not had in...months and months and months.
Tomorrow morning, my training...my LIFE begins anew.
Where will I go from here? I have been dreaming of a marathon or a half Iron Man triathlon. 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run.
The wimp is gone. The athlete remains.
Let's go kick some serious ass!
Showing posts with label athlete. Show all posts
Showing posts with label athlete. Show all posts
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Friday, September 21, 2007
On Becoming an Athlete
"Act like the person you want to be." --M.J. Ryan
Never in my life have I considered myself an athletic person. Sure, I would ride bikes, swim, skate and skateboard, and even scuba dive--but I never considered myself an athlete. To me, athletes are those people who have something like 0.2% body fat, can run a marathon in fifteen minutes, swim the English Channel on a lazy Saturday, and score perfect 10s in the Olympics.
Nope. Definitely not an athlete here.
But as the CELT Challenge Triathlon looms large in my future--just 8 days away now--I am faced with the very real notion that, when it is over, I will be considered a triathlete.
Me? Not even an athlete, but a triathlete?? That's like lumping me in with those 0.2% bodyfat Olympians that I previously mentioned!
But yet it's coming. And after the past week and months of training, I know that I'm ready.
The past couple days have been tough, though. Baby Kara has been waking up every hour or so starting just after midnight, and spending at least an hour awake between 3-4 in the morning. She cries for her "woobie" (pacifier), she gets up onto her knees, she crawls around, she stands. Sometimes she cries, sometimes she just babbles, but always, she's awake and naturally that wakes us up, too.
It has made it tough for me to be motivated to go out and move. Just last Tuesday, after a particularly trying morning when she was awake from 3 am to 6 am, I finally gave up at 6 (after four hours of sleep) and let Kent take care of her while I went to the club. I did strength training only and then came home because Kent needed to go to work.
I decided that, since I was already dressed for exercise, I would go out and do some running. When I got home, however, Kara had fallen asleep. Figures! She was out until almost 9 am.
Finally, though, I strapped her into her jogging stroller--this time with the fleece liner in, as it was fairly cool out--and took off on my run.
I decided to run to Maddy's school and back; that's 5.2 miles in all. My best distance was 4 miles at ths point, so I thought 5.2 miles was a good test.
Little did I know that, despite the lack of sleep, I certainly had my athlete hat on that day. I made the 5.2 miles and still felt fresh! I wasn't moving super fast--it was about a 12.5 minute mile pace--but I felt like I could run forever. So I passed the house on my return trip and kept going the opposite direction.
Finally, after a while, I decided the baby had been out long enough. We'd been gone for an hour and 25 minutes, and I had run the entire time. I never stopped or walked. And later, when I retraced the route in my car, I found that I had run 6.8 miles.
6.8 miles?? That's the kind of distance that marathoners do! I was completely flabbergasted.
And then I realized that, what I had done (despite being exhausted) was to put into place one of my favorite quotes, from M.J. Ryan, which is at the top of this blog:
"Act like the person you want to be."
I was lying in bed, feeling tired and miserable, and though to myself, what would I do if I were an athlete, or someone who was seriously training for a big triathlon?
I'd shake the tiredness off and just go do it. So I did.
And what a result! 6.8 miles.
Doing that run, for the first time, made me feel like an athlete. I felt like a runner, not a jogger. I realized that I had the stamina to do the kind of run that "real" runners do.
And it got me excited. If I could run almost 7 miles, then what else could I do?
That morning, I decided on my big goal for 2008:
I am going to run the Honolulu Marathon in December.
Later that momentous 6.8 mile day, I told Kent my plan. He immediately started talking about logistics (would we all go or just me, where would we stay, etc.), which pleased me to no end. He didn't say no, he didn't pooh-pooh the idea, he didn't tell me I couldn't do it. He simply started to plan ahead to 15 months from now when I line up with God knows how many other people for a 26.2 mile run around Oahu.
Maybe I'm nuts. That's a big goal, and 15 months from now I might even be living in Europe (if Kent or I get a job teaching overseas, as we are thinking of doing). But I have my goal now for the winter. Rather than maintaining my fitness, I'm going to learn how to run long-distance. I am going to become a marathoner.
I can do this.
After all, in 8 days, I'll already be a triathlete!
____________________________________________________________________________
Disclaimer: Look, I'm not a doctor. However, I am a teacher certified in both California and Maine to teach science curriculum, including the human body (and health/nutrition) to kids in grades K-8. This blog is my attempt to wade through the current thinking on weight loss, and to present it in a way that makes sense to everyone. As a woman who is successfully recovering from obesity herself, I feel it's even more important to help others understand what I did to lose the weight; what worked, what didn't, and what the struggle has been like as I went from morbid obesity to fitness. It doesn't mean that I have all the answers, however. If you want to lose weight, by all means, read my blog--I think I can provide some help and clarity. BUT, please know that I am NOT a medical expert, and you should most definitely consult with your own doctor or family physician before undertaking any weight loss efforts yourself. Weight loss is a personal journey. I'm making mine visible to the world, but each of us has to take our own steps with our own doctor's guidance; please make sure you check in with yours before you try to do anything I have done. Good luck and God bless!
Never in my life have I considered myself an athletic person. Sure, I would ride bikes, swim, skate and skateboard, and even scuba dive--but I never considered myself an athlete. To me, athletes are those people who have something like 0.2% body fat, can run a marathon in fifteen minutes, swim the English Channel on a lazy Saturday, and score perfect 10s in the Olympics.
Nope. Definitely not an athlete here.
But as the CELT Challenge Triathlon looms large in my future--just 8 days away now--I am faced with the very real notion that, when it is over, I will be considered a triathlete.
Me? Not even an athlete, but a triathlete?? That's like lumping me in with those 0.2% bodyfat Olympians that I previously mentioned!
But yet it's coming. And after the past week and months of training, I know that I'm ready.
The past couple days have been tough, though. Baby Kara has been waking up every hour or so starting just after midnight, and spending at least an hour awake between 3-4 in the morning. She cries for her "woobie" (pacifier), she gets up onto her knees, she crawls around, she stands. Sometimes she cries, sometimes she just babbles, but always, she's awake and naturally that wakes us up, too.
It has made it tough for me to be motivated to go out and move. Just last Tuesday, after a particularly trying morning when she was awake from 3 am to 6 am, I finally gave up at 6 (after four hours of sleep) and let Kent take care of her while I went to the club. I did strength training only and then came home because Kent needed to go to work.
I decided that, since I was already dressed for exercise, I would go out and do some running. When I got home, however, Kara had fallen asleep. Figures! She was out until almost 9 am.
Finally, though, I strapped her into her jogging stroller--this time with the fleece liner in, as it was fairly cool out--and took off on my run.
I decided to run to Maddy's school and back; that's 5.2 miles in all. My best distance was 4 miles at ths point, so I thought 5.2 miles was a good test.
Little did I know that, despite the lack of sleep, I certainly had my athlete hat on that day. I made the 5.2 miles and still felt fresh! I wasn't moving super fast--it was about a 12.5 minute mile pace--but I felt like I could run forever. So I passed the house on my return trip and kept going the opposite direction.
Finally, after a while, I decided the baby had been out long enough. We'd been gone for an hour and 25 minutes, and I had run the entire time. I never stopped or walked. And later, when I retraced the route in my car, I found that I had run 6.8 miles.
6.8 miles?? That's the kind of distance that marathoners do! I was completely flabbergasted.
And then I realized that, what I had done (despite being exhausted) was to put into place one of my favorite quotes, from M.J. Ryan, which is at the top of this blog:
"Act like the person you want to be."
I was lying in bed, feeling tired and miserable, and though to myself, what would I do if I were an athlete, or someone who was seriously training for a big triathlon?
I'd shake the tiredness off and just go do it. So I did.
And what a result! 6.8 miles.
Doing that run, for the first time, made me feel like an athlete. I felt like a runner, not a jogger. I realized that I had the stamina to do the kind of run that "real" runners do.
And it got me excited. If I could run almost 7 miles, then what else could I do?
That morning, I decided on my big goal for 2008:
I am going to run the Honolulu Marathon in December.
Later that momentous 6.8 mile day, I told Kent my plan. He immediately started talking about logistics (would we all go or just me, where would we stay, etc.), which pleased me to no end. He didn't say no, he didn't pooh-pooh the idea, he didn't tell me I couldn't do it. He simply started to plan ahead to 15 months from now when I line up with God knows how many other people for a 26.2 mile run around Oahu.
Maybe I'm nuts. That's a big goal, and 15 months from now I might even be living in Europe (if Kent or I get a job teaching overseas, as we are thinking of doing). But I have my goal now for the winter. Rather than maintaining my fitness, I'm going to learn how to run long-distance. I am going to become a marathoner.
I can do this.
After all, in 8 days, I'll already be a triathlete!
____________________________________________________________________________
Disclaimer: Look, I'm not a doctor. However, I am a teacher certified in both California and Maine to teach science curriculum, including the human body (and health/nutrition) to kids in grades K-8. This blog is my attempt to wade through the current thinking on weight loss, and to present it in a way that makes sense to everyone. As a woman who is successfully recovering from obesity herself, I feel it's even more important to help others understand what I did to lose the weight; what worked, what didn't, and what the struggle has been like as I went from morbid obesity to fitness. It doesn't mean that I have all the answers, however. If you want to lose weight, by all means, read my blog--I think I can provide some help and clarity. BUT, please know that I am NOT a medical expert, and you should most definitely consult with your own doctor or family physician before undertaking any weight loss efforts yourself. Weight loss is a personal journey. I'm making mine visible to the world, but each of us has to take our own steps with our own doctor's guidance; please make sure you check in with yours before you try to do anything I have done. Good luck and God bless!
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