How Much is Enough, Anyway?

Warning! Today's blog is an obsessive rant into calorie-counting and the ambiguity of knowing how much to eat. It's a little overly-introspective, perhaps, but recovering from obesity causes these sorts of angst-ridden diatribes from time to time. My apologies in advance. I will do better next time. Meanwhile, I need to get this out. Thanks!
--Karina
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So I am sitting here, feeding Kara Cheerio after Cheerio, after having already fed her a good-sized jar of Tender Harvest Organic Pear and Wild Blueberry puree' mixed in a bowl with Earth's Best Organic Whole-grain Oatmeal.

Basically what I'm trying to say here is that she's eating quite well, and she's eating a lot.

This is a good thing for a baby when it's 9 p.m. and her bedtime is about an hour past. That means she's likely to go for a longer time tonight without needing to wake up to eat.

That's always a bonus, when Mommy is the "lunch wagon". (Read: I breastfeed.)

However, it also brings up a great question:

How much food is enough, anyway?

Since getting home from California, I have had a headache nearly every single day. I am trying to track the reasons, but I think it's a combination of lack of sleep (staying up too late and once again being the sole caretaker for Maddy and Kara since Kent went to GenCon), combined with either not eating enough protein, or not eating enough, period.

I aim to take in 1800-2000 calories per day (trying to stay closer to 1800), but sometimes I go a little under because of being busy with the girls. This makes me wonder if lack of food is causing the headaches.

There is a lot of research into this topic. One of my favorite sites, the Calories Per Hour website, gives you a calculator to figure out how many calories you're supposed to eat.

But if you are trying to lose weight, or are breastfeeding (like me), or have a depressed metabolism because of previous dieting or other health issues, then that calculator could be WAY off.

Oh...if you're concerned about my losing weight and breastfeeding, read the "Side note" in purple at the bottom of this blog.

So, to go back to it, right now, I am concerned about how much I'm eating.

I know, I know--don't tamper with success. To have lost about 100 pounds, I obviously must have pegged the right balance of number of calories and exercise, at least for me.

But it still begs the question: have I so screwed up my metabolism from years of yo-yoing and diet nightmares that an extra piece of bread from my favorite bakery, When Pigs Fly, is going to depth-charge my weight-loss efforts for the day?

And for me, for the optimal balance of energy and weight loss, how much is enough, anyway?

When Maddy was born, I saw a clever ad that had a baby with a little booklet attached, and it said, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if they came with an instruction manual?"

I couldn't agree more. I wish I had an instruction manual that said, "Feed 1800 calories daily". I could then simply relax. I already make the right food choices--lean proteins, high-quality carbs (whole grains), good healthy unsaturated fats, lots of salmon and walnuts and so forth--but then I would know for sure how much of each of those things I should eat, and whether it would be a good idea to have that extra piece of bread or chocolate after all.

Basically, I could stop obsessing about calories, and just live.

Dr. Mehmet Oz and Dr. Michael Roizen, in their book, YOU: On a Diet, say that you shouldn't count calories anyway. They have a basic eating plan that I could follow, that should provide everything I need. But I like to improvise. Sometimes I start out the day planning to have salad for dinner, and end up with a nice little piece of salmon. I do sometimes cook based on what I find fresh at my grocery store.

I also have a deathly fear of letting go of my calorie counts. It's been such a wildly successful tool for me, that I am afraid not logging everything I eat means I will "forget" that piece of See's chocolate I ate after lunch, and will end up going overboard.

And I love chocolate too much to give THAT up, too.

So I continue to obsess about eating enough.

But at the same time, I don't want to eat too little.

As a teenager, I once told my mother-in-law (before I married her son!) that I was on a diet of 1,000 calories. She gently asked me if I thought that was too little. I wish she'd whacked me upside the head and said, "What are you doing, you're going to destroy your metabolism!"

To her credit, she is a very tactful woman and would NEVER whack me upside the head, much as she might like to!

In fact, just tonight at Barnes & Noble, I read something that said that the starvation defense kicks in at just under 1200 calories. So drop to 1199 and your metabolism goes into "sleep" mode, to ensure that you don't starve to death.

Needless to say, that 1,000 calorie foray was a recipe for disaster. I not only couldn't keep it up, but I also put my metabolism to sleep at the same time.

Eating enough is SO not an issue most of the time, at least not when I'm the sole caretaker for both girls. I don't think I could eat only 1200 calories even if someone said I'd be guaranteed to win the lottery. I like food too much.

Forgetting to eat has to be one of the stupidest things I've ever done, but I have done it a few times these past few days.

I know. "Stupidest" isn't a word. But it felt right in that sentence, regardless.

(Sigh)

So yes, this is a lot of obsessing, perhaps, but really, that's part of recovery--the insecurity of whether what I'm doing is in my best health interests, or whether I'm going to be throwing myself into a tailspin when it comes to my recovery.

All of which means that on occasion, I go into a self-serving obsessive rant over whether what I'm doing is the "right" thing, past successes notwithstanding.

If you think this is bad, you should have seen me in April. I had to reread YOU: On a Diet three different times to prove to myself that this is physiological, and that the God of Weighloss did not have me on her Hit List.

Meanwhile, what I would love, love, LOVE to do is what they did for Oprah one day on her show this year, when they took a group of women to the Miraval spa. The women got a metabolism test that told them exactly how many calories they should eat. Each woman was individual--I remember being bummed for Oprah that Gayle King got to eat more than Oprah did!

And I also remember being surprised that the number seemed to be a lot lower than mine, at least based on what I've gotten off the internet. If I remember, Oprah's metabolic rate was around 1400 calories or so. I obviously don't know if that was the basal metabolic rate and needed to be ramped up for her activity level or not, but once again, the calorie count got me wondering how much is enough.

Oh. I would also like to go to Miraval Spa "just because". LOL. The metabolic testing would just be icing on the relaxation cake!

So until I find some way to get the metabolic testing for myself, I will plug along and do the best I can.

And after losing a hundred pounds, I'd say that's not half bad!

Have a good day!

"Never mistake motion for action." - Ernest Hemingway
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Side note:
Before anyone freaks about the breastfeeding, you need to know that I am the "ask for permission" type of person, and I follow orders pretty much to the letter. So you can bet that I definitely asked my doctor's permission to try losing weight while breastfeeding, and he gave me his blessing. He said I needed to be sure not to lose "too fast", because toxins you have taken in over the years (pesticides, mercury, and so forth) are stored in the body's fat, and if you lose too much fat too fast, the baby gets a dose of those toxins. It made sense to me, and I've averaged something like 1.7 pounds per week over the months--a perfect amount.

My doctor also said to eat healthy and take my vitamins, but that I should go ahead and take advantage of the breastfeeding calorie burn. He said the baby is "a lovely little parasite" and that she'd get all she needed from me automatically. He said I wouldn't hurt her by the choices I made in eating, and that the reason I needed to eat healthy was to keep my own body running properly.

Did I tell you that I love my doctor? Or that he loves me because of what my eating and exercise have done to my blood pressure and cholesterol levels--affording him a perfect example of "diet and exercise can change your life"??



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Disclaimer: Look, I'm not a doctor. However, I am a teacher certified in both California and Maine to teach science curriculum, including the human body (and health/nutrition) to kids in grades K-8. This blog is my attempt to wade through the current thinking on weight loss, and to present it in a way that makes sense to everyone. As a woman who is successfully recovering from obesity herself, I feel it's even more important to help others understand what I did to lose the weight; what worked, what didn't, and what the struggle has been like as I went from morbid obesity to fitness. It doesn't mean that I have all the answers, however. If you want to lose weight, by all means, read my blog--I think I can provide some help and clarity. BUT, please know that I am NOT a medical expert, and you should most definitely consult with your own doctor or family physician before undertaking any weight loss efforts yourself. Weight loss is a personal journey. I'm making mine visible to the world, but each of us has to take our own steps with our own doctor's guidance; please make sure you check in with yours before you try to do anything I have done. Good luck and God bless!

The "Century Mark"

I did it!!! :D

Today, I went downstairs and, as per usual, jumped on the scale to check in.

It read 158.6--which means that, as of today, Sunday August 19, 2007, I have lost 101 pounds.

Wooooooooooooo-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Words can't describe how I feel! My written goal (remember: I write every goal down) was to cross the 100 pound threshhold, or the "Century Mark", by September 1. And although I wasn't starving myself or over-exercising to get there artificially, I still managed to do it with over a week to spare.

It has been a long, long time since I last saw this weight. It was 1989, to be exact. I came home from a summer in Italy, got engaged, stopped all my walking and started eating, and I never really stopped.

In fact, for YEARS I lied about my weight on my driver's license. The license said 170, even when I was 259. Now, my weight is a lie again--but this time, on the happy side!

When Kent called in from GenCon to say HI, I told him about having broken the 100 pound mark, and he was so excited and proud for me! He said he had good news too, "But not as good as" mine, that he'd come in 12th overall in the big 7-hour gaming event they had last night. He was really proud of himself, to be up against the best gamers in the country, and come in 12th for the 2nd year running. I was happy for him too, but he was so excited on my behalf.

Now, you'd think I would want to go out and buy new clothes to celebrate. Well, remember, I've been hitting the shops (eBay, consignment, sales) so I am not destitute in the apparel department. However, there's yet another reason I don't need to hit the shops--the shops came to me!

You see, the girls' Godmother, "Auntie Sue", came up for a girls'-only weekend while Kent was gone, and she came up with a ton of clothes for me to borrow from her own closet. She has a LOT of clothes, far more than I think I've ever owned, and best yet, she has great taste.

There are some of the cutest little dresses (sheath-type) that I could have never worn before--I used to be really heavy on bottom and narrow on top, even when I was thinner...somehow my body shape changed! And boy, they look so good. There are suits, sweaters, pants, and this killer pantsuit that is a size 8 that I can't quite wear (yet), but I vow to, it's so pretty.

There's even a Laura-Ashley white sleeveless sheath dress that is a bit tight in the bodice, but after Kara is weaned, I think that'll fit properly. A few more pounds lost will help too. It's SO cute and sexy at the same time. I always wanted to wear Laura Ashley clothes, but I was too heavy.

So far, I've gone through all the non-boxed stuff, and I still have three huge tubs of clothes to go through. It's like my own little personal shopping session in my own home.

Now I need to get a full-length mirror for myself. Pathetically, I had to borrow my 7-year-old's mirror to see how things fit. LOL!

Today's weigh-in is not what I consider "official", only because my "official" weigh-in is always Monday. I'm not sure why I chose Monday. I used to chose Friday because that meant I could eat like mad all weekend and still starve myself up for Friday's weigh-in--cheating, to be sure. But I love Monday weigh-ins, although my Mother-In-Law and best friend (Pam) think I'm nuts because I have to weigh myself wearing blue jeans.

I know, I know. If I wear blue jeans, I'll weigh more. The goal isn't to weigh myself naked--because at my doctor's office, I wouldn't be naked either. I want to weigh myself wearing as close to the clothing I'd wear for an appointment as I can. That usually means jeans and a top; therefore, I wear jeans for my Monday weigh-ins. Otherwise I always add one pound to account for the extra weight when I weigh myself daily at home.

Yes, that means my scale ACTUALLY read 157.6 this morning. I added the pound for the jeans.

And that is why my MIL and Pam think I'm nuts. :D

Why do I weigh myself daily when Weight Watchers says to do it weekly? I learned that the daily weigh-in helps keep me honest. The weight, being front and center, is my motivation to eat well that day.

And being a Recovering Obesian (whatever you call Obese people) means that I really do take things one day at a time, just like a recovering alcoholic. If I screw up one day, well that was one day out of my life. I acknowledge it, and try to figure out what happened (usually stress or tiredness, although occasionally it's a choice to overeat--and I allow that).

Then I move on. That's the critical part.

I also don't think, "Well I screwed up today, I might as well really screw up, I'm such a loser". I used to do that but I've learned that each day is its own opportunity, and I make of that what I can.

So yeah, here I am, 101 pounds lighter, and a ton of clothes waiting for me to try them on. The baby is asleep, Maddy and Auntie Sue are watching "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" (because Maddy just finished reading the book--she can watch the movie after she's read the book), and I have NOTHING to do but dishes from last night's lobster fest (lobster, steamer clams, corn and a potato) and try on the clothes.

Oh, and I need to start writing to Oprah. Her show is looking for people who lost a lot of weight. I think I qualify (although I'm still in the process, and am not in "maintenance" yet).

Well, anyway...between the dishes and the clothes, guess which one I'm going to do?? :D

Have a fabulous day!

--Karina

"If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere." - Frank A. Clark



__________________________________________________________________________________
Disclaimer: Look, I'm not a doctor. However, I am a teacher certified in both California and Maine to teach science curriculum, including the human body (and health/nutrition) to kids in grades K-8. This blog is my attempt to wade through the current thinking on weight loss, and to present it in a way that makes sense to everyone. As a woman who is successfully recovering from obesity herself, I feel it's even more important to help others understand what I did to lose the weight; what worked, what didn't, and what the struggle has been like as I went from morbid obesity to fitness. It doesn't mean that I have all the answers, however. If you want to lose weight, by all means, read my blog--I think I can provide some help and clarity. BUT, please know that I am NOT a medical expert, and you should most definitely consult with your own doctor or family physician before undertaking any weight loss efforts yourself. Weight loss is a personal journey. I'm making mine visible to the world, but each of us has to take our own steps with our own doctor's guidance; please make sure you check in with yours before you try to do anything I have done. Good luck and God bless!