Stressed...overwhelmed...anxious... No. FRIED.

Once again I find myself in the somewhat...okay, TOTALLY...embarrassing position of having to write, "It's been a long time since I've written last..."

I look back on the last seven months and wonder how the heck I am still even somewhat coherent, let alone vertical.

Not that I mean to be whiny and annoying or anything, but recently when I went to breakfast with one of my best friends, Annie, here in Maine, she listened to my update, shook her head, and said, "You need to write a book. I can't believe you're even still able to stand up after all you've been through!"

It does seem like a lot. At least to me it does.

Let's see if I can do a short list. Just for kicks and giggles.

1) Six moves in 2 years, 7 months:
   a) Our house in Maine to my sister's in California (everything we own goes to storage)
   b) My sister's to my in-laws' summer house (stuff still in storage)
   c) My in-laws' summer house to a one-month apartment (still in storage)
   d) Apartment to our California house (movers arrive, we get our stuff back after 6 months)
   e) Our California house to my in-laws' condo in Maine (everything goes back into storage, 7 months)
   f) My in-laws' condo back to our house in Maine (and finally everything out of storage...but not out of boxes...yet...)

2) Unemployment despite 21 months of active job hunting.

3) Four bouts of MRSA (methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus)

4) Plantar Fasciitis and Posterior Tibial Tendonitis at the same time

5) Repeated episodes of subacute rhinosinusitis (subacute because it lasted less than 5 weeks each time) requiring multiple (sometimes concurrent) doses of "nuclear-grade antibiotics" over several months

6) A job where my boss' final evaluation stated, in part, "I always worried about her ability to teach reading" (yet she only observed me one time for one hour...in Februrary) and "She failed to develop a rapport with her class" (the same class that gave me flowers during the graduation and half of whom cried on the last day, saying it was the "best year ever!"). This is the same person who, before I was even done with the paperwork on the last day, tracked me down and took my keys and name tag so that the latter could be destroyed. Her comment, "Don't mean to hand you your hat and say what's your hurry..." Thank heavens I planned to be done that very day and to walk out and never return...because I wouldn't have been able to in any case.
 
[...Okay can you tell I'm still stinging from that one? I console myself with the fact that multiple staff and teachers at that school's reaction to my frustration was, "Whoever said she was fair" and "Oh don't worry, she hates everyone." Despite this, I am still reminding myself to B-R-E-A-T-H-E on a daily basis. Annie said it best: "I hate it when people are unjust!"]

7) A washer that conked out and didn't work for four months, starting in March, which forced my husband and myself to go to the aforementioned condo to do our laundry--or to the laundromat. (More on that later!)

8) Weight gain.

9) The untimely and shocking death of my father-in-law, Jerry, after just 26 DAYS of Pancreatic Cancer.

10) A husband who was beyond stressed after over two years of total financial insecurity...he's a good hubby and dad and takes himself very seriously when it comes to supporting his family.

11) Poor food choices due to the above.

12) A daughter diagnosed with anxiety after literally 14 months of trying to get her the help she needed...the first 8 were in California, where our family doctor told her, "You just need to behave yourself" and sent us home. The good news: no more meltdowns. The bad news: a gallon of paint all over the condo garage. I will spare you the details.

13) Insomnia, depression, anxiety, burnout.

14) Random anxiety attacks striking at 3 a.m. when it seems that life is finally starting to settle down. By the way...did you know that anxiety attacks exactly mirror heart attacks? And that when they hit, it can take you and hour or two to come down off them, which means you won't sleep any more that night? And that when you have one of those, and you tell your doctor, they will stick you on anxiety meds that knock you out (at least you can sleep!) and then run EKGs and blood tests to make sure it really WASN'T a heart attack? And that as soon as you think, "Whew, I won't ever have another one of those, the stress is gone!", you will have another one, precisely because of that release of tension? Yeah. That was me two nights ago.

OK. So apparently I also have a bit of an anger issue going on here...!

Anyway, so that's what life has been like these past months.

But what does it all mean?

Well, when you get to the stage of stress and anxiety that I was in, and then marinate around in that for a prolonged period of time, what happens is that you achieve burnout.

It's no small achievement, either. Burnout, or being "Fried", is essentially the stage in which one has lost hope. Nothing feels like it matters any more. Some people call it depression, but depression is really a clinical disease, and burnout is something different.

Dr. Barnet Meltzer, author of the book Food Swings: Make the Life-Changing Connection Between the Foods you Eat and your Emotional Health and Well-Being, states that there are three stages of burnout. They are as follows:

First Degree: A person in what he calls "first-degree burnout" is inconsistent. Sometimes you feel fine, other times you suffer from lethargy, mood-wings, and so on. A person in first-degree burnout may be able to partially manage things; for example, you might start the day thinking you'll be OK, and you actually feel like you have some energy and ambition. However, as the day progresses, you fall apart, make poor choices, and lose your energy to deal with your obligations. You can suffer mild weight gain (10-20 pounds).

Second Degree: If it is not treated, first-degree burnout becomes more pronounced. In this stage, you're not only physically tired, you're psychologically tired as well. Overload has made it harder to concentrate, you get more irritable, and and you start to notice memory losses, insomnia, stomach troubles, apathy, and even sexual problems. Even though you can drag yourself through the day and manage to keep moving, it takes a lot of effort. This can cause you to start depending on alcohol, sugar, caffeine and so forth simply in order to feel like you're surviving. Dr. Meltzer states that at this point, you're going to start suffering "relatively minor infections" such as sore throats and so forth, and that these will be "hard to shake". Weight gain is "moderate"--20-50 pounds (yikes!).

Third-degree: Dr. Meltzer calls this "one step from the bottom of the staircase", and he adds simply, "it hurts." In that stage, you're exhausted, have feelings of extremely high stress levels, low energy, severe weight gain (50+ pounds), depression, anxiety, mood swings, memory loss, insomnia, negativity, illness (blood pressure, bronchitis, infections, arthritis, and more), and sexual dysfunction.

I know, you probably think, "How the heck do you come back from all of that?" That's what I was wondering. And that's why I started to read his book. But the first thing I did, which you can probably guess from the title of his book, was to start making better food choices.

The day I left that work environment for the last time, it felt like bricks had been taken off me. Not just that a weight had lifted--it was gone entirely. That actually inspired me to make a radical change in our eating habits. We haven't eaten out at restaurants or fast-food since--not even when we took a day trip. We're eating whole, healthy, real foods, including lots of fresh, organic vegetables and fruits. We're getting our milk, meat, and eggs from pastured animals. We're buying as much as possible that is local and organic or no-spray (since not everyone can afford the cost of organic certification). We've cut out processed, boxed, or bagged foods. If what is on the label of a box, bag or can isn't something I would have in the kitchen, I'm not buying it...after all, do you really want to have some chrysoine resorcinol with your dinner? What about ethyl para-hydroxybenzoate, or some good old-fashioned formaldehyde?

I've also made more of an effort to stretch and walk, especially since the plantar fasciitis kicked up again when Kent went to California after his father's diagnosis with pancreatic cancer. Yep--the car did it to me again. What had turned into a one-week trip to help his Mom and Dad after the diagnosis turned into a month away from home. Kent flew home and fought with his father's insurance company and the medical establishment in his parents' hometown. He did this all while watching his formerly robust, healthy and fit father fail completely, passing away just 26 short days after his diagnosis. Meanwhile, I stayed home with our girls, and all that driving with our stick-shift Honda brought on a recurrence of the PF. I know what to do to beat it back into submission, Dr. Noah taught me that in physical therapy, and I will share his ideas in another post.

So good food choices, more walking and stretching, a release of tension from a difficult work environment, and suddenly I'm feeling incredibly better. In fact, it took only two more days of using anti-anxiety meds to be able to go to sleep...after that, I relied on melatonin for an additional two, but I've managed to remove both of them by this point. No more sleep issues. I'm not waking hourly, nor am I having difficulty falling asleep to begin with.

I've gone from 2nd-degree (truthfully, I was one foot into third-degree!) down to 1st degree or less. I won't kid you--there are days I can't handle some things. For example, it took me a week AFTER I had started to feel and eat better to finally make myself call someone about that aforementioned washing machine that had broken down in March. Yes, March. I had so little ability to cope that it took me four months of inactivity, PLUS finally finishing out my one-year teaching contract, to be able to even think of dealing with that problem!

I promised you the story earlier (in item #7 of my "kicks and giggles" list up above), so here it is:

Originally, when the washer first inexplicably stopped working, we had called a local applicance repairman, thinking local = faster. The guy came out, literally only looked at the washer (meaning he didn't actually try to do anything to it), and then pronounced that, since it was lighting up but not doing anything (including filling with water), clearly we needed a new computer part. That two-minute diagnosis cost me $79, and the computer part would be another $400. He offered to order it on the spot, and said he'd even take the $79 off the next service.

I got suspicious. I asked him to price the part and call me...then I refused the service when he did call back with a reaffirmation of $400. I couldn't do more than fuss, though, due to the stress levels at that point (that was when Kent went to California). Eventually, during April break, I summoned the energy to look it up online. It was then I found a blog post from a woman who had the same thing happen to her, but it was a fairly new refrigerator. Her solution was to call an authorized repairman and get a second opinion. He found the real problem, solved it for $50, and she was saved hundreds. I decided I needed to do the same thing...but again, my resolve failed, and I couldn't drag myself away from the couch to actually do it.

That's how bad I was.

Finally, a week after leaving school, during which time my body and mind started to heal and recover a little, I called the company (Frigidaire) and got the name of our authorized repairman. I then called the repairman, and he came today.

He looked at the washer, poked a few buttons, leaned back, but his hand on his chin and thought for a moment, then suddenly leaned forward and pushed the "options" and "settings" buttons simultaneously. He held them for about four seconds, and then all the lights flashed once. He poked the "Start" button, and the washer started immediately.

I am so not kidding you. He apologized for having to charge me for the service call, but I told him that it was $90 well-spent. I said, "You just saved me a $400 computer part, or the cost of a new washing machine!"

All that stress, all those trips to the condo to wash laundry, the time and money and gas spent taking it to a laundromat, and the initial $79 misdiagnosis (or intentional misdiagnosis?) was solved by one man who knew what he was doing...and all it took to get him there was the energy on my part to look up and call two separate phone numbers and talk to two different people.

THAT, my friends, is exactly what burnout does to a person.

I have a total newfound appreciation for what people in the throes of depression, anxiety, and burnout go through. It's absolutely paralyzing. I would not have believed it, had I not gone through it myself. Dr. Meltzer makes the point that in this country in particular, we're expected to buck up, deal with it, get on with our lives, stop yer whining, and so on. We look at it as a badge of shame if we can't snap out of it, and look down on others as somehow less if they can't, either.

Well let me tell you, I had the energy, the motivation, the fitness, and the health. I could run 20 miles and still wish I had time for more. I had incredible cholesterol and triglyceride levels. My blood pressure was wonderful, my lung functions beautiful, and I had all the motivation in the world. And I lost it. It started with illness, segued into injury, backslid into stress, and then bottomed out with a toxic work environment. And I am not as unfit and fat as I was before...but I'm pretty damn close.

The point of this is that no matter how much you want to change, no matter how upset you are with yourself, it boils down to this idea: the human body can only do so much, and it can only bounce back so often before it starts to get a little fragile, and even start to break. Dr. Meltzer blames oxidative stress and what he calls "stressition" (as opposed to nutrition) from poor food choices, but those of course can also come from the stress itself. It's a vicious cycle, but when you're in it, it's so much easier to go after the convenient choices, most of which (unfortunately) are anything but healthy OR whole. And once you do that...well, unless you can pull out of it, you're looking at a flat spin into rock bottom.

So what's to stop it from happening again? I guess for me, it means holding myself to a higher standard for food, as a first line of defense. Not eating junk food (which is, if you think about it, truly "garbage" food) is a huge help. I discovered that a McDonald's $1 double cheeseburger may taste good--I swear they put addictive substances in those darn things--but the salt and fat in them make me feel bloated and gross the whole next day. It does take time to make a salad or some poached eggs with avocado, sprouts, and Ezekiel bread toast (my latest favorite), but actually it takes more time getting in the car, driving to McD's, getting the burger, then driving home. And when I've eaten real food, I feel so much better.

I also need to keep with the walking and stretching. I'm not consistent, but I also know it took me a long time to get to this point, and like before, slow and steady progress will get me where I want to go. I am trying to be gentle with myself and understand that as many months as it took to get here, it will take that much (maybe more) to get back. Being understanding of and forgiving of myself is honoring that inner child who, right now, is cowering in embarrassment over what the external adult might say to her.

Finally, when I'm tempted to look at the scale and swear (which is pretty much all the time right now), I just have to close my eyes, breathe deeply a few times, and remember that my mind and body went through a hell of a beatdown. I taught my students the phrase, "When you know better, you do better." In the throes of burnout, my emotional side just didn't know better. It does now. There are still stressors--where the heck am I going to work next year, how will we make it financially if I don't get a job, how can we afford two houses since the one in California not only didn't sell, but also is worth even less than it was a year ago--but without the daily one, I feel like instead of cursing the rain, I can find a way to dance through it.

I can highly recommend the book Food Swings. I am still reading it and have, already, in the first four chapters, gotten so much out of it. I don't think I necessarily agree with him about meat and milk, though...he says they are bad, but I tend to agree with Nina Planck (author of Real Food) that they are fine if they're from pastured animals, as opposed to factory farms. Still, it's got some interesting information in it, and all that is helping me to understand the journey I've been on.

Another book I'll be reading is Fried: Why You Burn Out and How to Revive, by Joan Borysenko. I didn't originally intend it to be such a good companion to Food Swings, but it turned out to be one nonetheless. I read a few pages of Fried already, and am already noticing parallels.

So there you have it. I'm back, I'm back on track, and I am making new food and health choices. My goal is to start writing more consistently here. I'm so motivated (love that good food!) that I've actually started a new blog dealing with the food aspect of things, which is called A Year of Eating Real. I wanted some way to keep myself accountable, and to explore what Real Food means. So not only  am I going to get this blog up and running again, I've gone off the deep end and am going to try to do two...simultaneously.

Yeah. I'm nuts. But hey, I do have energy once more! Woo hoo!

Have a great weekend (starting tomorrow)!

--Karina

First Day of Physical Therapy--and a New Problem!

Well, well, well. It never rains, but it pours...

I went to Physical Therapy for the first time today. The therapist was excellent. He put me through my paces, watched me walk, flexed my foot, had me push one way and try to stop him from pushing another, had me do heel raises, and on and on. I was working with him for almost 45 minutes.

At the end, he verified my doctor's diagnosis of Plantar Fasciitis...and added another.

I also am suffering from Posterior Tibialis Tendonitis--or Posterior Tibial Tendonitis, as most websites describe it.

As he told me, "You're lucky! You got a two-fer!" (lol)

So it turns out that I have "ridiculously tight calves". I told him I blamed my lack of running for a year, and ran through my history--the sinus infections, the MRSA infections, the packing and moving. He said that the calves could be super tight from any number of things, but that I am going to have that worked on.

I start Physical Therapy for real on Wednesday. Then I need to go again on Friday. Next week I'll go Monday or Tuesday, then Kent, the girls and I will be out of town for our 20th anniversary/Thanksgiving holiday. I'll start back when we return, and I will go to Physical Therapy about six weeks. Hopefully my insurance will cover it all (or, the 85% after copay).

When I explained about being out of town, and he warned me to take it easy on the walking. I explained that we'll be doing a lot of mass transit, and that when all else fails, I plan to bring the crutches to get myself off my feet. I told him, "I'm serious about getting this taken care of. I wanted it treated aggressively, that's why the shot and the physical therapy." He was actually quite pleased that I came in so early. I laughed because I was mad at myself for waiting for two weeks when I knew there was a problem! He said, however, that some people last as long as 7-10 months before calling. No way would I let this go for that long. It hurts too much when it flares up!

So he said the prognosis is good, because the shot seems to have helped a lot; the prognosis is good because I came in early. However, we'll see how the tendonitis and fasciitis respond to the therapies I have. He'll start with pretty aggressive stuff there, then start to transition me into stuff to do at home. I plan to be very serious about it; I'm not one of those to ignore what the doctor says if I have exercises or work to do at home.

Hopefully this is the first stage of healing, and that the lack of pain I've been feeling this weekend is the norm--not the exception.

It was interesting, by the way, that he poked and prodded and certain things really hurt--but only on the left. And it was interesting that after he poked and prodded, my foot started to feel quite tired and a little achy.

The new challenge, then--to find a way to exercise that is reasonable time-wise, that won't involve foot/heel impact, and then to also find a way to teach where I'm not constantly on my feet. We'll see how that goes.

Well it's nearly 11, and I'm tired, and I have school again tomorrow. Time to clear some email, then head to bed.

Best wishes,
Karina

Day One: In pain, but my Christmas Cards are finished, thanks to Shutterfly!

So day one of the Plantar Fasciitis Experience has begun.

I have been spending a lot of time today resting. I keep moving my foot, and trying to stretch it a bit, but it's hard to remember.

All morning long, my youngest (who is home sick with me) has been watching Disney TV, running around taking pictures with my camera, and playing with her dress-up beads.

As for me, since I've firmly planted myself on the couch with some Aleve for my PF, I decided to go online to Shutterfly to work on my Christmas Cards.

Christmas Cards? It's only early November!

Ah, but won't the time fly, especially when I won't have this enforced time with nothing much to do once I head back to work next week.

I used Shutterfly this past May when I took a solo trip to Hawaii for my 44th birthday. Upon my return, I decided to make two photo books of my travels. I was totally delighted with how they turned out. One was a photo journal of the trip,  and the second one I titled "The Art of Oahu", and it contained my favorite photos of the islands, grouped by subject--flowers, beaches, palm trees, people, and so forth.

That particular book is now on a display stand in my classroom, where I can see it every day. It's a nice reminder. I liked the books so much, I'm in the process of making two more about our move home to Maine this summer.

Today, however, my sights were firmly set on Christmas cards.

Last year, I had used Walgreens photo cards. I liked the fact that I could have a panel of four photos, and the price was reasonable, but I got something that resembled a photo rather than an actual card--you know the kind--and I decided this year, I wanted something different.

This past week, I found out about an offer for free shipping on orders over $30 for Shutterfly, so I decided to check out the cards.

What a great lineup they have! I went online to Shutterfly's Christmas card page, specifically looking for a folding card, which could handle more than four photos. I really wanted six or seven, if I could find a card that could accommodate that many. I was sorely tempted by their Holiday Story Cards, which allow you to chronicle your year right on the card, but eventually I decided to go for a straight photo card because I figured I'd just be writing a family Christmas newsletter, as I do every year.

I was very pleased when I found not just one option for multiple-photo layouts, but many. It turns out that Shutterfly has many different card layouts that will accommodate multiple photographs. The cards in this particular group, which stand in either portrait or landscape format, hold four or more photos apiece on the cover. And the prices are actually quite reasonable for personalized cards. I eventually chose "Merry and Glee" by Stacy Claire Boyd; the cost for the quantity I need to order (50) would be less than $1.50 a card, thanks to their current 20% off sale.

Add in my free shipping, and I just got a way better deal than if I'd gone to a brick-and-mortar retail store like Crane Paper Co. or Papyrus to order them.

Imagine my surprise and delight when, as I worked on putting my choice of pictures inside, I discovered I could write the inside greeting myself. There wasn't one cheesy "stock" greeting that you get stuck with. Instead, I could make a short or long comment, change the font, and even change the font size.

Then I noticed that I had an option to edit the top half of the card as well. When I clicked on it, I found that I could add more photos if I wanted, and more text, this time customizable by format, font style, and size. After experimenting around, I decided upon a six-photo inside spread with three good-sized paragraphs that cover the major events of my family for the year.

I mentioned this top-half photo-and-text layout option to my best friend a bit later, and sent her a screen shot to look at. She was impressed, then she asked me in surprise, "That didn't cost EXTRA?"

No, in fact, it didn't--the cards were still the exact same price.

What a godsend Shutterfly has turned out to be. Thanks to those three paragraphs I was allowed to write, the line at the bottom that I added with our updated contact information, and the twelve (TWELVE!!) photos I was able to put onto the card, this year--for once--I won't feel like I need to write a Christmas newsletter. It is a process that takes hours and hours of designing, writing, rewriting, revising, editing, and proofreading, not to mention the printing and folding. It also usually requires the purchase of at least one new color printer ink cartridge--often at an inconvenient time of night when the old one runs out unexpectedly and I'm in a time crunch.

Shutterfly actually just saved me a huge amount of time and money. I had lots of options to view, preview, edit, preview again, and tweak things around--the size/orientation of a photo, a word here and there--so that I am very happy that this is the best card I could possibly create.

So now I get to order them. The final cost should run about $70 for 50 cards, but again, that beats any other personalized folding 5x7 card, particularly when you add in the time and cost savings on that family newsletter.

<UPDATE: I just found out this afternoon that if you are a blogger like me, you also have the chance (like I now do!) to earn 50 free cards from Shutterfly, thanks to their current blogger promotion: Bloggers get 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly… sign up: http://bit.ly/sfly2010! Wow! Shutterfly really does make my life easy!>

It will be nice to simply sign the cards, stuff them in envelopes, address and mail them. Of course...if I wanted to pay a buck extra per card, Shutterfly would actually do all that for me too--except the signing, of course. Still, I have a "thing" about cards that are printed with family greetings but not signed. I'm simply not interested in it.

So it has been a productive morning. My cards are done, I found my Christmas list, and if I buy some labels, I may even be able to just import my address book into labels and just print those out as well.

Now wouldn't that be a nice time-saver.

Of course, as long as I'm battling stomach flu and PF, I have the opportunity to get stuff like this done. It's the stuff that is important but not a priority, in my professional life at least, that really gets to me--that's the stuff that hangs over me and needles me with guilty feelings.

This has truly been a week out of time. Unfortunate and, at times, filled with bad news, it has also been, at the same time, a week of slowing down. It's been a week for reorganizing my head, taking a breath, and calming down; a week to myself that I have desperately needed since the whirlwind process of packing, moving, and launching into new jobs began late last July.

July. No wonder I've felt so frazzled and like I needed get away. I needed a week to chill out, settle down, get my head on straight, breathe, and just do nothing but watch pointless tv, read, and think. Just--calm.

For once, I feel like I have caught up to myself. I'm even blogging again...how's that for cool?

This gift-week was a week I wouldn't have gotten otherwise. So I guess there really is a positive side to everything, even to something serious like this stomach flu and PF. If it hadn't come along and smacked me down and made me stop and take care of myself, I would have been focusing on a class, or cleaning, or meals, or kids, or discipline--or even correcting, errands, or bills.

Not to say I haven't done some of that stuff. I have, but I've also...chilled. And took one day, today, with my toddler, to just reminisce about what it was like to be home all day with her once more.

LOL. Maybe it's time to think about making another trip to Hawaii. February might be nice.

Meanwhile, I have a lot to write about, don't I? Hawaii, Vegas, the move, and even our new Trader Joe's...not to mention the excitement of a day that starts at 6:15 a.m. and doesn't settle down until after I get home sometime after 5 p.m., when I still have to feed, bathe, and put to bed two kids. Plus there is my eventual plan for how I am going to fit exercise and fitness into that timetable...after the PF gets better, that is.

Definitely check out Shutterfly. You can send out cool cards with your own photos, all while saving yourself time, hassle, and money.

Oh...and that free shipping code? From the Shutterfly site itself:

Free shipping on orders $30+, Promo Code SHIP30

Until next time,
--Karina

Plantar Fasciitis, Anyone?

I'm not even sure how to begin this other than by saying that old cliche'--a lot has changed in a short period of time.

This past summer, after almost two years of hoping and planning and wishing and a lot of hard work, my husband Kent got a teaching job back in Maine, and we were finally able to move our little family back cross-country, by car and 24-foot rented Budget Moving van.

 Did we really get that all packed in one day??

My dad and brother came along for the ride, and it was an epic six-day journey. That's right--six days!

 Goodbye, California! 

We will miss our family, but not the financial chaos!

Can you imagine? Two parents, a grandpa, an uncle, and two kids in a 24-foot moving van packed to the gills, and a small Honda Accord complete with two bikes on the back, driving over 3,400 miles in 6 days flat.

Kent and my brother Roy somewhere in West Virginia

The cats, of course, got to fly. Again. In my next life, I think I'll be a cat. I am firmly convinced they have it made.

We got back here, but couldn't move into our own home because it was rented out in July and won't be available until July of 2011. We then found out the condo we were going to rent--which belongs to my in-laws--was so trashed that we're still in the process of putting it back to rights. It meant massive cleaning, painting, carpet cleaning, spackling, fixing, and deodorizing. It was a mess. And there is still painting to be done.

Then, in the middle of it, while I was still trying to get organized, I got a job. A teaching job. A REAL job. I haven't taught in years, and I haven't taught fifth grade in even longer, and I was hired with exactly three days to get ready before kids arrived--and half of that time was taken up by staff meetings as well. I'm still trying to get organized there too. It's only a one-year position, so the temptation is there to just say, "Oh it's a temp job," but I don't work that way. The kids deserve nothing less than my best.

Needless to say, with the move, new job, commuting, and the chaos of two major life changes in very short order, I got yet another sinus infection! After that got better, I thought, OK, finally, we're back in business--then I ended up with some strange heel pain that came on slowly but relentlessly on the Sunday before Columbus Day. Then this week, I ended up with something unknown but tummy-related that kept me out of school all this week so far.

The good news was that since today was a holiday anyway, I was at least able to go finally see my Orthopedic doctors, the same crew I saw years ago when I had a knee problem. I hoped that the foot doc I saw today would be able to give me good news about my heel.

Instead, she immediately diagnosed me with Plantar Fasciitis.

Well that figures! I ran, what--three half marathons, two triathlons, and multiple short- and long-distance runs including a 20-miler? And NOW I get Plantar Fasciitis??

Sheesh! How completely absurd is that!


So the healing process begins. The doctor gave me a shot in my heel, and it turns out there is a LOT of inflammation there. The first stick was unpleasant, but as she pumped in what I think was a steroid, it HURT. A LOT. She nearly had to scrape me off the ceiling with a putty knife! She said if the inflammation wasn't bad, it would have gone straight in. However, my fascia is not in happy shape right now so it was bad enough to nearly make me pass out.

The shot helped for a while, and now that I'm sitting on the couch, it's starting to hurt again. She also gave me some Sore Dawg insoles for my Nikes, which have been morphed from running shoes into everyday shoes. The speed laces make them a bit tight, though, especially with these new inserts, so I think perhaps I should put in some regular laces now.

As if morphing from a triathlete/runner to a half-couch-potato teacher isn't bad enough, now I'm even losing my speed laces!!

Watching people run here in Maine has been difficult. The plantar fasciitis came on the first weekend that I actually felt like we were getting our lives under control: Columbus Day weekend. Things had settled down, I was settled into my classroom, the condo was in reasonable shape, and I was thinking about starting to walk and run again. Then Kent and I went to Boston for an evening out without kids, and the next thing you know--wham. I can't walk. Fast-forward one month and the doctor is telling me I have to take it easy until this inflammation goes away.

In two weeks, we'll be heading to New York City for Thanksgiving. That Wednesday is hubby's and my 20th anniversary, and the next day--Thanksgiving--we are thinking of taking the girls to see some of the parade. However, with plantar fasciitis, I will have to rethink exactly what we do and how long I'm on my feet. Part of the plan is to visit with my brother and go see the King Tut exhibit, but now I know that plantar fasciitis is going to put the kibosh, as they say, on all my wonderful plans.

Ah well. Rethink, change, adapt, adjust. Get healthy, stay on top of the correcting, get through this year, and hopefully get my life back.

Just one. Small. Step. At. A. Time.

That's all it takes.

My first physical therapy appointment is set for next Monday at 5; meanwhile, I need to do some stretches, use ice and an anti-inflammatory such as Advil, and when I get out of bed in the morning, I need to do some stretches, such as using an exercise band to pull my foot back or trace the alphabet with my foot.

Hopefully this will resolve soon. I don't want to wait months or, worse yet, a year for this to get better. I do also plan to get rid of my super-cute LL Bean flats in grey houndstooth check that I wore to school. I somewhat suspect that the lack of arch support in these shoes contributed to my problem. I have never worn such flat shoes before, and I have somewhat high arches. I remember being surprised as I went upstairs how completely flat they were. However, they were wicked cute, and I wore them quite a bit early on this year, but alas--they are simply not meant to be.

Instead, welcome to my new "school shoe of choice". So my shoes will not be cute, but they will be comfy--or at least as I can make them. Sometimes I wonder if even these pinch a bit. I need to ask my Physical Therapist that question on Monday.

Yours in hopefully better health soon,

--K

When Illness Knocks You Down

Sometimes, despite your best intentions, something comes along and knocks you flat on your fanny.

The past month, I have been knocked flat on mine.

It started with stuffy nose and stuffy ears. It progressed to sinus issues. And, when I went to my doctor two weeks ago for my yearly physical, I told him about all of these these, and about the fatigue that had been plaguing me for almost a full month at that point.

He checked me over, said I seemed OK, and I was sent my merry way for blood tests, which included a thyroid check that ultimately came up negative.

I was not being a good advocate for my own health, because I let it go.

A week later, I was back--and this time I had to see the Physician's Assistant, because my doctor was booked. By this time the fatigue was worse. I was exhausted. My sinus headaches were so bad, so crushing, that advil (motrin, ibuprofen, whatever you want to call it) wasn't helping me at all. The sudafed I had been taking for two weeks was not helping me either.

Even my teeth hurt.

I was diagnosed with a bacterial sinus infection, and placed on an antibiotic. "If you aren't better in five to seven days," he said, "come back in."

It is now six days later.

I am still fighting fatigue, headaches, sinus pain and pressure, dizziness, and frustration. When I blow my nose, my sinuses actually creak. Sometimes my ears make a bubbling sound, and they are full and make popping noises all the time. I've been on sudafed for three weeks, having gone through a full box and having made some solid progress at a second, to no avail.

Clearly, the antibiotic is not working. Nor is the sudafed, for that matter.

I called the doctor, and I have an appointment to see him--not the Physicians Assistant this time--this evening at 5:15. I'm hoping he can propose a cure for this, once and for all.

So in the meantime, what have I been doing since the new year, training-wise?

Almost nothing.

Well, that's not exactly true. I was walking and running, using the treadmill on a 7-10 incline, and I even managed a 21-mile week. I even took some great "Cycleates" (Spin and Pilates mix) classes at the Y, which I enjoyed, even though they made my arms sore, apparently because of how I held myself on the bike. I'm still learning to keep "soft elbows", rather than locking them.

Right after that is when the first sinus symptoms came on, in addition to the fatigue I was already fighting, and I have been doing no training of any sort since then. Last week I didn't even take Kara to baby gymnastics, because one of the teachers is pregnant and Kara came down with her own cold. I didn't want to risk her teacher getting a virus from us--not in her 3rd trimester!

I can guarantee that, by now, any fitness gains I was making have slid away. But at this point, I frankly would rather wake up with a clear head, feeling rested and alert, and ready for the day, instead of waking up exhausted, with a headache and dizziness. All I ever want to do is sit in one place. I would almost rather lie in bed, with my eyes closed and everything quiet. All I want to do is sit absolutely still, particularly keeping my head still so that its movement doesn't compound the whirling sensations I am already fighting.

It's a sad, sad existence right now. And, with the sale of our house, I have a move to look forward to within the week--and we're doing it ourselves.

So the question is, what do you do about training when you're sick?

Do you run? Do you exercise? Or do you let well enough alone?

The Mayo Clinic advocates what I like to consider as the "rule of neck": If your symptoms are below the neck--including cough, stomach aches, muscle pain, etc., let it be. If it's all "in your head" (so to speak), fire away--so long as you don't have a fever. And, I might add, so long as you aren't dizzy. If I tried to run on a treadmill right now, I know I'd come close to falling off.

Some people have argued that running when you are sick will "sweat out toxins" and "help you fight off a cold". Not so, says Medicine.net. They argue that all you'll do is stress out your immune system further. It's got enough on its plate fighting off illness--it doesn't need to do battle with your twenty-miler as well. Imagine your body as a tired Mommy, already dealing with a hungry toddler, an annoyed pre-teen, and a husband who is avoiding the dishes. Ask that Mommy to do the laundry, go grocery shopping, cook dinner, and oh by the way get in that five-mile run, and that body of yours will go into meltdown mode.

Not that I'm projecting anything here, of course.

As you probably know, I love Runner's World magazine (and the associated website), and consider these my go-to sources for all things running. Imagine my surprise when I found the following post about sinus infections:

"But, doctors say, you still walk, or run, a fine line. Take extra caution when training with anything worse than a minor cold because it can escalate into more serious conditions affecting the lower respiratory tract and lungs. Sinus infection, or sinusitis, is an inflammation of the sinus cavity that affects 37 million Americans each year. Symptoms include runny nose, cough, headache, and facial pressure. With a full-blown sinus infection, you rarely feel like running. But if you do, consider the 72-hour rule of Jeffrey Hall Dobken, M.D.: "No running for three days," advises the allergist/immunologist and ultramarathoner in Little Silver, New Jersey. Even without the presence of a fever, says Dr. Dobken, some sinus infections, when stressed by exercise, can lead to pneumonia or, in extreme cases, respiratory failure." 
                                          -  Marc Bloom, "Should You Run When You're Sick?", August 2004.


I have got to stop feeling like a failure and a giant slug. Clearly, I'm not supposed to be running right now.

But it's hard to get past the guilt when that treadmill is sitting there, waiting for me.

I guess perhaps the fatigue part of sinus infections is God's way of telling us to SIT TIGHT. Otherwise, we might be tempted to do something that could prove disastrous in the end.

Be well!

--Karina

Talking About Stress

I get an email from Jillian Michaels' fitness website on a daily basis, and today's email really resonated with me. It's a perfect explanation of the impact of stress on your health and weight. Rather than try to explain it, I'm just going to reprint it here. It's brilliant. If you don't know who Jillian Michaels is, she's the trainer on the TV show, "The Biggest Loser". She's one kick-butt lady and I would love to meet her sometime.

http://www.jillianmichaels.com/fitness-and-diet-tips/stress-and-metabolism

From LOSING IT! With Jillian Michaels

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Stress Less and Lose Weight

I'm sure you've heard of the "fight-or-flight" response, and you probably know that it's the way your body reacts to danger or stress. But do you know what's behind the fight-or-flight response? It's actually hormones.

When you're faced with danger, your adrenal glands release three hormones: norepinephrine, epinephrine (also known as adrenaline), and cortisol. Norepinephrine and epinephrine cause several changes to help you survive the danger, including a pause in insulin release so you have lots of blood sugar available for energy, an increase in heart rate and blood pressure, and a suspension of your appetite. After the danger has passed, cortisol tells the body to stop producing norepinephrine and epinephrine and stimulates your appetite again.

This response evolved to help people deal with short-term survival situations, like an attack by a predator. The trouble is, it occurs in response to all stressors, including the deadlines pummeling you at work and the traffic that drives you crazy. All that stress results in excess cortisol being built up in the blood. That cortisol just hangs around, causing lots of trouble: It turns young fat cells into mature fat cells that stick with you forever, and increases your cravings for high-fat, high-carb foods.

When you give in to those cravings, your body releases a cascade of rewarding brain chemicals that can set up an addictive relationship with food — you stress, you eat. If you don't consciously control the pattern, you can become physically and psychologically dependent on that release to manage stress. In fact, people who self-medicate with food tend to have hair-trigger epinephrine reactions and chronically high levels of cortisol.

You can help yourself keep cortisol in check by limiting caffeine intake to 200 mg a day; avoiding simple carbs, processed foods, and refined grains; and getting plenty of high-quality protein. It's also crucial that you find stress-relief techniques that work for you. If you can tame your stress response and lower cortisol levels, you'll have a much easier time losing weight. 

JILLIAN'S TIP OF THE DAY
Ways to De-stress

When I'm stressed out at night and can't sleep, I get up and write down all the things that are bothering me and how I might fix them. This gets the problems off my mind and calms me down because I know I have a game plan. Some other ways to de-stress include learning to meditate, getting a massage, taking a vacation, and most important, exercising! Whatever you do, please do not take any over-the-counter "adrenal support" supplements — you could actually do more harm than good. De-stress naturally instead!

Inspiration!

When I feel frustrated that I backslid, when I get angry at the crap that is going on in my life with my Emotional Vampire relative, I need to rewatch The Biggest Loser finale. Oh my goodness. To see what people can do when they push, and when they stop letting the garbage in their lives hold them back...WOW. It is absolutely amazing.

Danny Cahill has to be the most inspiring person I have ever heard about or seen on TV. To see him lose 55% of his body weight in just...what, five or six months time? He went from 430 pounds to 191. And it just absolutely blows my mind.

It also really tells you what you can do, if you put your mind to it.

Anyway, I was watching the finale tonight via the internet because we don't have cable or satellite TV. I was so impressed with the progress of all these people who worked so hard to drop so many pounds. I remember being at 155, and thinking there was no way I could lose any more than that. But to see where you can go if you are willing to put in that extra little bit of work--I realize now I was self-limiting. Telling myself what I could and could not do. Was I fit and healthy, and much smaller? Oh yeah. But I think I could have managed even more, a new level of fitness and health, had I pushed just that much harder, the way the people on the Biggest Loser did.
Everyone "knows" when you go home for a week on BL, you don't lose much. Danny blew everyone away and lost 15 pounds that week that he was home. I thought, man, he did it. I could too. I just need to get my focus back.

Life gets chaotic. I let myself get pulled down by it, and I tell myself I do the best I can, which is true--I do. But when you know better, you can do better. Watching that episode...man. I think I know better. I feel all charged up, and kind of wish it was daytime so we could head out to the YMCA. If the weather tomorrow cooperates (no rain), I'll bring Kara in the jogging stroller. I used to do that earlier this year, but got out of the habit because I HATE HEAT. Ha ha. If I do that, I can get out on the road and start working up the mileage again. I want to do another half marathon--I get so charged up doing those. And I have had it with this backsliding I did.

I gained a total of 40 pounds since moving to this state, and in dealing with the emotional vampire of a certain relative of mine. In fact, just today, this person and I saw each other at a store. She looked as startled as I, and I waved at her--and she said, "Good morning." That was it. I have offered and offered to talk, I have emailed and emailed, I have tried joking around, I have tried offering to go to family counseling, I have beaten my head against the wall over and over, only to have her email to the entire family:

"The temptation to go to professional counseling is great: I'd like to see what would happen with Karina and a counselor.  And her family would benefit from her going to see one."

To ask someone over and over to talk, to tell me what I did, to listen to why I am upset, to communicate, and this is the reply--that I need to go to counseling, and that my family would benefit by it. It's truly amazing.

I have given myself the gift of letting it all go. I've listened to enough Dr. Laura to know that I don't have to continue to try to put myself into a relationship with this person, because frankly, in the year I have been here, it has never gotten better. It started with her offering us a place to live while we found a house, only to kick us out, in the middle of the month (so no rentals were available), with four days' notice. This happened just two months later.

Oh, let me rephrase--Kent and Maddy were invited to stay. She told me that the baby and I had to leave. The reason: she had to have surgery to remove a cyst, and needed "time and space" to recover. After we left it became a full hysterectomy and, since then, that's the revisionist history. "You had to go because I had major surgery." Her actions made a family with a 21 month old baby homeless, with noplace to go but two hours away by car over mountain roads to my inlaws' summer house.

And she wonders why I got angry. But despite that, I let it go, I started back at ground zero, and tried again. And again she would ignore my emails, say rude things then refuse to answer my texts, be negative whenever I tried to include her by sending her pictures. And I have so had it!

Naturally I am now the bad person because I've said that until we talk it out, she is not going to have any contact with my family. I can't risk it. My children are being asked to choose between their mother and another relative who won't talk to their mother. The baby doesn't get it, but Maddy does. I don't trust my relative and I don't particularly like her, not after the way she has acted. And watching how her children treat other people...grr.  I won't go into detail other than to say that in 53 weeks of finally having our own home in this state, my daughter's favorite cousin has never, ever called her, to say hi or talk or invite her for a play date. And it kills Maddy and it makes me mad.

So that's my chaos. And I've let it drag me down. I've eaten my feelings, and I'm tired of it. I know Danny went through that, that's how he got to 430 pounds himself. But I am still 60 pounds lighter than I was. I am not going to go back to that person--she didn't even walk, let alone run half marathons. I'm ready for the athlete in me to come back to center stage. This poor girl who's been sitting here, eating fudge or hershey's kisses en masse, who has cried too many tears over an emotional vampire, and who has beaten her head against a stubborn wall of "refusal to communicate", has had ENOUGH.

It all starts over now.

I'm going to bed. Yep, before midnight. That, alone, is a major accomplishment, and one I've not had in...months and months and months.

Tomorrow morning, my training...my LIFE begins anew.

Where will I go from here? I have been dreaming of a marathon or a half Iron Man triathlon. 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run.

The wimp is gone. The athlete remains.

Let's go kick some serious ass!

I am a Trail Runner!

DONE!

I am a "real" Trail Runner!

It has (again!) been a while since I wrote. I am not good about this, mostly because I don't know who the heck I'm writing for--except myself, and sometimes that seems a little narcissistic! So I keep forgetting about it, and thinking, what do I have to say, really?

But I had a nice comment (Hi Hail) and thought, you know, if this is interesting or even a little helpful, even as a one-off read, I should really keep at it. Plus it helps keep me grounded.

So the last time I wrote, I had a FAIL. Epic Fail! I tried to go for a 13 mile run, and made it all of about 6--two of which were running, and most of the rest was a walk. It was really depressing, but I was so dizzy I should have known...

I went to the doctor almost two weeks later--nobody can accuse me of hypochondria, hee hee--and it turned out I had a nasty bacterial sinus infection. NO WONDER I couldn't run. I couldn't even walk without dizziness.

One more run of antibiotics and a series of days with lots of advil and sudafed on board, and I finally got over it.

I was able to pick up running again, and had some lovely days on the treadmill, doing sprint intervals one day and on another, six miles of progressively-faster running. I felt good, as though I had a chance of succeeding at my goal: running the North Face Endurance Challenge Trail Half Marathon in Sausalito, California, on Saturday December 5.

The week of the race arrived, and saw me spending four straight days on the computer, instead of even doing any sort of taper. Two days were spent preparing a Christmas present for my parents and in-laws, and two days were spent writing articles.

Oh, yes, I forgot--I'm a writer for Lance Armstrong's LiveStrong.com, and also for Trails.com! That's fun. I'll link some articles so you can read them. Some have to do with weight loss, running, and nutrition:

• Lose Weight by Counting Calories 
• How to Calculate Minimal Caloric Intake 
• Make Yourself a Faster Runner 

Anyway, on Friday, I was TERRIFIED. Absolutely petrified! I was supposed to go to get my race packet and timing chip, but the drive to San Francisco would have entailed 7 hours on the road, and I had to be there early the next morning. I wasn't staying overnight in the Bay Area simply to save the money. I decided to pick it up the next day. As a result, I was home the whole day, stewing. I tried to go to bed, and sleep, but at 1 a.m. I was still awake, running through all the possible worst-case scenarios you might imagine. They all involved not completing the course in time. The course itself was supposed to be 13.1 or 13.2 miles, but then I had been told it was closer to 15. The hills...oh my. With the course winding through the Marin Headlands near Mt. Tamalpais, it promised to be steep. The course ranking was 5 of 5 for elevation difficulty. Technically, not as much an issue--lots of fire roads and singletrack, but nothing like running through the redwoods with the brush and roots.

I finally fell asleep just after 1, then woke up in a panic, CERTAIN I would not make the cutoff time of 4 hours. I knew there were pace charts showing split times for each aid station, and I worried that if I didn't make an aid station in time, they'd send a "sweeper" to pull me off the course.

I finally fell asleep, only to wake just before the alarm at 4. I was ready to go.

After taking a shower, having some breakfast of a banana, toast and almond butter, and some black tea spiked with agave syrup and ribose, I drove off in the dark at 4:30 a.m.

Before I left, I texted to my Facebook account: "Terrified...who am I kidding. I'm not ready for this!! OMG. but...on my way 4 better or worse..."

I was in such a dither, I missed my highway onramp. The one I always take. AND that was with the GPS on telling me what to do!

The drive over was uneventful, and I listened to the radio and tried to not lose my mind. I got in around 8 a.m. to Sausalito, and quickly found a parking spot and caught the shuttle. At the base station, I got my bib number and timing chip, and anchored it with a plastic wire tie. Then I put on my gloves because I was freezing--it was cold and a bit damp, as well as in the shade--and it was time to wait.

We were supposed to start at 9, but we were delayed because people were still arriving. At 9:15, we were finally off.

Here is the elevation chart for what I proceeded to run:

This is actually not quite the correct chart--they revised it to be more accurate, and the second mountain should be much more vertical and thinner.

The first couple miles was reasonable, but then we hit the hill and I had to walk. I just can't run up hills, not that long of one anyway. So I walked up, but then when I got up there, I was able to run again. The first peak was such fun to run down from! There were little wooden bridges and walkways, and shallow steps built into the singletrack. I felt like a gazelle bounding down them. What a blast!

At the bottom, at mile 4, the first aid station was there. I had not made great time, at 1 hour 4 minutes, but I knew the ups would kill me.

Let me tell you about ultramarathon or trail run aid stations. That was what this was. You see, my half marathon wasn't the only race being run that day. There was a 10K, and also a 50K (31 miles) and 50 MILE race. We shared an aid station with them. On a normal half marathon, you'd find water and maybe some gatorade, GU or Shot Bloks if they are sponsors of the race. Otherwise, some liquid and that's it.

This aid station had, from what I remember, water, yellow and purple drinks of some sort, brownies, cookies, bananas, bagels, chunks of cooked red potato you dip into salt, saltine crackers, and I don't remember what else. I had a saltine, they filled my handheld Fuel Belt water bottle, and then hit the bathroom before tackling hill #2--the monster.

I ran through the flats until I finally hit the uphills about ten minutes down the road. Then I was reduced to a walk. It was so steep at times I had to pause and take a breath then forge on. I was NOT ready for these hills, but I was determined to make each aid station within one hour--that was the only way I could pace myself to make it through by the cutoff time of four hours. I was off pace a bit, but the first segment was 4 miles, and each one thereafter was around 3. I felt pretty sure that, even with an uphill, I could manage a 20 minute mile pace for the next three segments.

When I got to the top, I had the singularly unpleasant realization that it was so steep, I couldn't walk down. I had to run. It was shocking and difficult! Normally you would attack a hill by almost tipping forward over your toes, and allowing the gravity to take you down the hill, very close to an out-of-control forward fall. This hill was so steep, it felt too dangerous to do that, so I ended up doing the worst thing you can do on a hill--pulling up and holding back, letting my quadriceps take the brunt of the effort. The pounding of going down that hill, the delicacy of doing so over dirt, rocks, and these giant cracks criss-crossing the track, made it almost as hard as going up had been.

I made it back to the same aid station (mile 7.2, apparently, although there was some discussion on the trail about whether this was accurate). I came in at just over an hour at 2 hours 10 minutes on my watch, and felt pretty good about my chances of making it in under 4 hours.

Despite eating some of my Shot Bloks on the second segment, I needed something. I decided to have what I thought was Gatorade...but it turns out, I didn't know what it was. It was awful, but simultaneously the best thing I ever tasted! I mentioned that, and the volunteer laughed and said, it's funny what your body wants when you're trail running! I asked what it was....

It was flat Mountain Dew.

I HATE Mountain Dew...but this day, it was like the elixir of the gods!

As I headed out, I knew the fourth, and last, segment was 2.7 miles, so I felt I was close to being done, and that the third segment was going to be fast.

Was I wrong.

The next hill was much more forgiving, in terms of angle, and yet again I had to walk. At the top, I was able to start running on the slight downhill and slight flats, walked up the 2nd ascent, and then ran down and around the corner until I hit the 3rd aid station.

At this point it was again over 3 hours (I forget how much), and I felt like I had been on the path forever. They said, though, "This is it, you've done it--2.7 more to go!"

I headed off down the hill, running for a solid ten or twelve minutes before being reduced to doing 3 minute run/20 second walk intervals. I had to slow down. My quads were trashed. I did this until the last slight uphill, then finally on the last flat, within sight of the finish line, I was able to run again.

As I came down the straightaway before making the turn down the hill to the finish, people all around me were cheering me on. It was a great feeilng. Lots of "stay strong!' and "you're almost there!" and "way to go!" There's nothing like a road race for support!

Finally, as I came to the grassy slope downward to the finish and made the right-hand turn to run it in, my right knee finally had it. It completely seized up! I thought, "Oh hell no! I'm right here, there is NO way I'm going to walk!" Even though I felt like I was crabwalking in, I finished at a run--and in a time of 3 hours, 41 minutes and 28 seconds.

I made it--I beat the cutoff time! I was the last official finisher--two more came in after me, over the official time. I feel pretty good, though, considering the fitness level of my fellow competitors and knowing I was really not well prepared for this race.

I stopped for a moment while a volunteer cut the timing chip off my shoe, and she was apologizing for making me stand there. I told her, "That's OK, my knee seized up and I can't move anyway!" After she finished, she offered to get me a chair, but I just asked to stand still for a moment. Another five seconds, and I was able to sidestep over to a grassy area, and then, bing! My knee loosened up and I was fine.

I was sore, though. My legs were toast. The quads, hips, calves...even my toes would seize up on me if I tried to curl them a bit to stretch. WOW.

I walked for a while, maybe five minutes, and ate the rest of my Luna bar that was in my pocket. I had one Shot Blok left from the trail, but it didn't sound good so I let it be. I got my bag and fished out a banana, and ate that too. That helped. Then I sat down and stretched for a while, which made me feel almost back to normal. While I was stretching, several people I had spoken to in the morning came by to say hello and congratulate me. One woman said the nicest thing to me--"You're a real trail runner now!"

What a nice comment! I guess I am, aren't I?

I went and claimed my Schwag--a gorgeous soft mint-green short-sleeved North Face technical shirt, with the North Face Endurance Challenge logo on the sleeve. It is my new favorite running shirt! I also got a new pair of technical socks, and was treated to my "finisher's beer". It was apricot ale, and was marginal; I'm not a big beer fan, except for Lost Coast Apricot Wheat at the Lost Coast Brewery in Eureka, California--so I only had half and left it behind.

Before I left, though, there were raffles, and I went to listen to the awards. The fastest half marathoners ran that thing in 1 hour and 36 minutes. CRAZY! But the best part of that was the fact that DEAN KARNAZES was there to give everyone their awards!

Dean Karnazes (center)--my inspiration! Poor photo due to backlighting, but...wow!

I was so excited--he's a legend, and my inspiration. After the awards and raffles (I didn't win), I was able to meet Dean. I explained that I just wanted to tell him that I read both of his books and loved them. I also told him that I listened to Ultramarathon Man when I ran my first 20 miler. I said it got me through, because whenever I felt down, I just listened to what he was going through, and thought, if he can deal with THAT, I can do a 20 miler!

That's when he said something that blew me away. He told me I was an inspiration!! ME?!?!?? He shook my hand, too. Wow. He told me, "Don't ever stop!" And that's one of his sayings from his book. I said, "I'm trying not to!" and he said, "Good, I can tell!"

It was a great experience!

Anyway, I went back to the car, and found out on the shuttle that the 2nd aid station was at 8 miles, not 7.2 as was originally posted. That means that whoever told me that the race was closer to 15 miles was right. The elevation chart puts the distance at 14.56 miles.

Wow.

When I got to the car I had a full change of clothes, and was never so glad to clean up and change at the park's bathrooms. Especially my socks--they were so brown from the trail! I got back in the car, called my Dad to tell him what I'd been doing that morning, and headed back. I made a stop in Vacaville for Rubio's steak tacos and a peppermint mocha from Borders Books & Music cafe'. Then I headed home, making it in by 7 p.m. Total time round-trip: 14 1/2 hours, 3 1/2 of which were on the trail and 7 on the road.

The next day was interesting. I couldn't walk very well. It took me a couple days, but I'm now 100% back to normal. My hips, quads and calves have recovered, and I am ready to get back to the treadmill.

After all, there is another half marathon coming up in the spring! I don't know which one, but...it doesn't matter. I'll find one, and I'm there!

What a fantastic experience. If we are still in California next year, I'm doing this one again. Only this time, I'll train for the hills. I know what to expect, now.

Have a great day...and, DON'T EVER STOP!

FAIL

It was one of those days.

You know the ones...you start out with a grand goal, set out with the best of intentions to implement the steps it takes to get to that goal...and then you fall spectacularly flat on your face, well short of where you had hoped to be.

In other words:

FAIL.

In the running world, when this happens in a race, it's called a "DNS" or "DNF"--short for, "Did Not Start" or "Did Not Finish". In triathlons, marathons, or ultras, it is akin to the kiss of death.

And yet...

We've all had these days. Even elites such as Dean Karnazes, the ultramarathoner, or Deena Kastor, American marathon Olympian, have gotten a DNF in major races. Deena broke her foot in Beijing in 2008, just near the start of her race, and ended up riding in the "sag wagon" for the entire race. Karno got a DNF in this year's Western States 100 Mile Endurance Run, dropping out at mile 62, well short of the mileage of which we all know he is capable.

And as for me, I got a DNF in my training run yesterday.

I know, it was a training run. Realistically, it is not the same thing at all. However, I have been working very hard the last couple months, trying to build up my endurance and speed after almost a year of not running consistently.

Although I have not updated this blog as much as I should have, I have had several stutter-starts at beginning my training over the past six months. Three months ago, I had the unfortunate experience of having a bug bite get infected with MRSA, the highly dangerous antibiotic-resistant staph infection that is becoming more widespread in this country. Luckily for me, the urgent care doc I saw "had a hunch" and decided to put me on an antibiotic that, it turned out, was the only one capable of killing the particular strain of staph I had, although that didn't make the whole process easy, or fast.

48 days later, I took my last antibiotic, and was finally cleared to start running.

That was two months ago, and so far I've worked myself up to be able to participate in the Bridge-to-Bridge 12K in San Francisco on Sunday, October 4, where I ran 1:33. It was over a 12-minute mile, but it was 7.3 miles of running with only two walk breaks. I was very pleased with my improvement.

That brought me up to yesterday. I'd had two excellent runs earlier in the week--a 4-mile tempo run, and 1.5 miles of intervals bookended with two 2-mile runs. I thought for sure, knowing that my longest training mileage so far as been 11 miles, that I could manage a 13 mile run. My goal: run to my daughter's school and back, twice. With the ugly hills. I set my alarm for 7 a.m., got my stuff all ready to go, and went to bed by 11.

Then I slept in until noon.

Now, knowing that I have a toddler and a 9-year-old, you know that's highly unusual on its own. However, I just could not get up. I was exhausted! When I finally did, I felt horrible. I was dreading the run, which is something I have only ever experienced once, when I was getting ready to run 20 miles for the first time in my life. But even then, once I got going, I was OK.

Not so yesterday. As I left the house, I was still muttering, "I am so dreading this." However, I was determined to get out there. I figured that, as usual, I'd feel better once I got going. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

I ran the first couple miles. And my legs and lungs felt pretty darn good, even up the hills. However, my head felt dizzy and stuffy, like the top half of it was filled with tightly packed sludge. After almost 2 1/2 miles, I had to walk.

I made the first half of the first loop, 3.3 miles, in 43 minutes, walking the last mile or so. Then I turned around and headed back. My head felt so dizzy, I was on the verge of tears, nauseated, and worried I might throw up. I walked almost all the way home, but out of sheer anger I ran up every one of the big hills, dizziness or not. I was NOT going to let the hills beat me too, even if my body/brain were not being very cooperative.

I made it home, and quit. 6.6 miles in 1 hour, 40 minutes.

I was so frustrated and angry. But what can you do?

Dean Karnazes said in his blog, after his spectacular fail at the Western States, "What constitutes a life worth living? Is it high achievement? What I’ve come to believe is that more than anything, it’s having the courage to try."

Reading those words this morning brought me up short. Yes, I failed in my attempt. However, by Dean's reckoning, perhaps yesterday wasn't really so much a fail after all.

No matter what else happened yesterday, I will know that, despite feeling terrible, being tired and dreading the run, I did have the courage to try.

When have you had the courage to try?

________________________________________

WICKED Coolness! :)

I am sitting here grinning like an utter fool!

What, pray tell, has me all excited?

Two things, actually!

The first cool thing is that that just now, after looking up a sports nutrition article on a blog called "Frayed Laces", I decided to do a quick search for my own blog. In doing so, I found that my blog, this blog, has been reviewed! On the blogged.com directory of obesity websites in the health/nutrition group, my blog, which I admittedly am quite lax at updating, was reviewed at a 7.9 "Very Good"! I'm #13 on the list! I was so excited, I ran over to show Kent. He was very proud of me too! So I will count that as a "publish", along with the book review of Animal, Vegetable, Miracle that I wrote for the New England newspaper last May. That makes me feel quite accomplished!

The second cool thing has to do with my running. No, I didn't run today. Or yesterday. However, I did swim...50 lengths, 34 minutes 1 second. That was fun...and totally off the subject.

What I am excited about is that I FINALLY BOUGHT A NEW TREADMILL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yippee!

Aren't I odd? To get that excited about a TREADMILL? LOL! I mean, really. You would think I had won a trip to Hawaii or even a new Felt, Cervelo, or Aegis bike or something (the trifecta of perfect TRI bikes, in my opinon...).

But no, I am psyched and jumping around like an idiot because I finally bought a treadmill.

I missed my treadmill. I don't know if I told this story before, but when we moved from Maine, we gave our treadmill away to our friend Lisa. Why, you ask? Because first of all, hers was making a hideous screeching noise. Second, other than me and Shanna, she is the only other person that I knew that actually used her treadmill. Third and finally, we were afraid of what 5 months of storage and a cross-country move via moving van would do to the already-hinky LCD displays.

No, I did not give away a failing treadmill. The LCD dots on the progress display didn't light up properly. Everything else worked fine. Plus we'd just had it serviced.

Anyway, so we gave it away, assuming we'd buy a new one in California.

Five months later, when we finally bought a house, we realized it was too small for a treadmill. There wasn't a single place to put it--the way the house is laid out, there is either a window or a closet, door, entryway, or fireplace in every blank section, except the family room...and that has shelves, because it's long and narrow. Not a good place for a treadmill.

I tried to go to the Y. I really did. But when you just want to get up and run, it's a hassle to go get in the car, drive over, find parking, go in, run on a treadmill in the middle of a huge room where it's hot and the oscillating fans don't work properly, then go back out and drive home again.

I know, I could have run outside. However, when it's over 80 and it's barely even 7 a.m., I wimp out. I ran last summer when it was 100 degrees out, even doing 6 miles at a time, but I had a park with a rather good water faucet to go to and that made a huge difference.

Excuses, excuses. I know. I totally get that. I realize that I'm just being lazy. I KNOW I could do it if I wanted to, but frankly, I don't like running in this town, nor do I care for the Y, and I really dislike the heat. And I just missed having a treadmill. I wanted to be able to go for a run when the baby went down for a nap after lunch, and that's the hottest part of the day. (Whine, whine.)

It all comes back to motivation. And I just like the cold better. That's why Eureka is one of my favorite places to run (see my last blog for more info on that).

So anyway, I we scoped out treadmills at Sears, Sports Authority, and Costco--the only three places in this town where I could find Treadmills for sale.

I liked Costco's; it's a good one--$900, Nordic Track. It got good reviews on the Treadmill Doctor website, too. However, they don't deliver, nor do they set up. I can't have Kent bring it in by himself, not with his bad back...and he doesn't "do" putting stuff together. I do. And at 43, I'm less inclined to put stuff together when I can pay someone else to do it. Laziness or old age? You be the judge! :)

At Sears, they would do delivery and setup, for about $30 cheaper than Sports Authority, but I didn't care for their treadmills. Yes, they had Nordic Tracks too, but the ratings on the three that I looked up were not as good as the Sports Authority treadmill...even though the company that makes Nordic Track, ProForm, and Healthrider is all the same one--Icon Health & Fitness.

The one I ended up buying was a Healthrider Club Series H140t treadmill, from Sports Authority. Originally listed at $3000 (not that I think it ever sold for that), it was marked down to $1999, then $1399, then $1299, which is what we bought it for. Yes, it's more than I wanted to spend, but after looking at the treadmills, and knowing how we use them, and reading the reviews on Treadmilldoctor.com, there was no way I was going to buy anything else...especially since we needed them to deliver it and set it up as well.

The control panel of the Healthrider H140t

It looks good. I thought it had a 3.0 HP motor, but now I'm reading online that it really has a 3.5HP. That's even better, if it's true. If not, I still wanted at least a 3.0, so I'm happy.

Specificiations card from the store

The deck is 20" by 60", plenty long and wide enough. Some people say you can't tell the difference, but I definitely can. I think our old Horizon Fitness treadmill was a 22" deck, but I'm not positive.

My treadmill--the front one!

The reviews I read were pretty good overall. Some people don't like the bells & whistles, as extra technology is just "one more thing that can break"...but for me, they weren't what I was interested in anyway, and with the price darn near what we paid for our "stripped down" (by comparison) Horizon model 3 years ago, I didn't really pay for them anyhow.

Another look at the specs card

Here's what I was looking for:

* If it didn't have a 3.0HP at least, I wasn't interested.

* If it didn't include at least a 20" x 60" deck, I wasn't interested.

Those were my "musts", but the power was the definite selling point. If I am going to use this puppy to train for the Honolulu Marathon--assuming North Korea doesn't nuke it first, ha ha--I need to know that it's going to be up for the workouts. Before we left Maine, I'd throw on a video and run a half marathon for my long runs on the weekend. When I did speed training, I'd do 8x30-second strides at 10MPH. Granted, I'm nowhere near that speed right now, but I will be, and I need to know that my treadmill can hold up to that kind of effort.

So I'm very excited about it. I can't wait for it to arrive! That will probably be Wednesday, as we are going to be travelling for the 4th of July weekend; first we'll be in Willow Creek, then we go to Eureka to set off fireworks, as Maddy and Kara have never seen the kind you light yourself (they're illegal in Maine). Then on Sunday, we head off to Gualala in southern Mendocino County, where friends of ours own a beach house. We'll be with them for a couple days before heading back home. Maddy has horse riding lessons Wednesday morning, and clarinet lessons Wednesday afternoon, so we'll be home by then for sure. I imagine our treadmill will arrive that day.

It's a good thing it won't come tomorrow (Friday, July 3), as I imagine you wouldn't be able to budge me out of the house at all. :D

The only drawback that I can see is that we will probably have to put it in our front window. There is really no other place to put it in this house. It's either that or the garage, and that's as bad as running outside. So I guess I'll get to look outside, or watch TV, while I'm running. Thankfully it's a north-facing window so I won't be blasted by sunshine, anyway.

Thank heavens. I don't think I'll ever want to go without having a treadmill again. This was just not fun at all.

Have a lovely evening, and a fabulous 4th of July!

Favorite running cities

We're in Eureka this weekend, visiting family, and I went out for my scheduled run this morning (Sunday).

OK. It took a bit more effort than bounding out of bed and hitting the road, but I'll spare you the details.

It's been only a short time that I've gotten back into running. I've been averaging a couple runs a week. I'll aim for 3 this coming week. If that sounds like very little, know that I ran 20 miles on a 3-day-a-week training regimen. Even Runner's World has a 3-day-a-week marathon training guide. So it's reasonable. You shouldn't run every day, and right now I'm just trying to get the habit back.

Anyway, so off I went, with the goal of running to my brother's house and back. It's a nice run, with the exception of Buhne Hill--which, if you have ever been to Eureka, you know to be truly epic. If you haven't, there is a REALLY inadequate picture of Buhne hill here. Just focus on the far side of the hill and you'll get an idea of its rise. This picture was taken maybe 1/4 of the way up the hill.

As I ran, with my trusty iPod Shuffle providing background music as usual, my mind flitted off into a myriad of different topics, any of which would make an excellent blog post, and most of which I promptly forgot. I know there was one about the idea of shorts vs. running skirts, and another about where you find your inspiration--or what keeps you inspired. A third was about feeling fearless (which is what running does for me), and a fourth was about literally not being afraid to stop and smell the roses, as I did on Buhne & I Streets, where a fabulous double rose had poked through a white picket fence.

But as I ran, and then walked, and ran again (including my epic run up Buhne without stopping), I thought about how fabulous the running was this morning, and that got me thinking about today's topic.

What got me all happy wasn't the fact that I was running without gasping like a nearly-dead fish. No, what got me all happy was the lovely light breeze and the perfect sunshine-and-blue-skies day it was here in Eureka today. And I realized that, not even counting when it's sunny and perfect like it is today, Eureka definitely makes the top three list for my favorite cities for running.

These may not be your favorites, but hey, it's not your blog! [wink!]

By the way, my run time today? 1 hour 12 minutes. That does NOT count the time I spent at Roy's house, visiting and inhaling a couple glasses of water.

Hey. Everyone needs a place to use the potty sometimes!

My top three running cities, in no particular order:

1) Eureka, California -- As I mentioned, the weather today was perfect. It's cool, but not too cold, with a perfect cooling breeze. Shorts and a technical t-shirt were absolutely right for a day like today. However, it wasn't the weather that put Eureka on my list; frankly, it can be overcast, drizzly, grey, bleak and downright wet, too. No, what put it on the list was the fact that there is just about everything you might want for running here. There's a track to do track workouts at Eureka High. There are tons of fantastic trails through the Redwood trees that make up half the town. A number of the trails run right through Sequoia Park, which is frankly gorgeous and makes you think you stepped out of 2009 and landed in a scene from Jurassic Park II (which, incidentally, was filmed not far from here up in Fern Canyon). But, aside from Sequoia Park, there are even more trails through the Redwoods in town that are little-known, unless you're a native Eurekan, or know a native Eurekan like my husband. He grew up in the woods and I swear he can navigate halfway across town without ever touching pavement. There are lots of straight, flat stretches, low-rise uphills (H and I Street) that become gentle downhills when you go the other way. And, there are the hills. There are shorter hills like on Lucas Street, and then there are the monsters like Buhne, which is big enough to challenge anyone, even veteran runners. You want a good workout? Push a jogging stroller with a baby in it up that thing. You will get applause when you reach the top, I can guarantee it. (I did, a year ago.) Truly, Eureka has it all...but when the weather is like today, that makes it even more sweet.

2) Kennebunkport, Maine -- Yeah. You knew that one was coming, didn't you? What makes Kennebunkport fantastic? Variety, and scenery. Knowing Kennebunkport backward and forward--at least its roads--as I did meant that I had routes for just about every mileage you could possibly want. Want a quick mile? No problem. Two miles? Four? 5? 5.2? 10? 15? You name it, I could produce it. You want to head on a five miler past the Bush compund? That's my favorite route. You want hills? Got 'em. Gentle rises? OK. Great scenery? Check. Wooded trails? The old Trolley line is perfect--just wear your mosquito repellant in summer...and run fast! Beaches? There are multiples there, too. Kennebunkport is the kind of town where you can head out from home and "run" your errands...literally! It's easy to combine a run with a trip to the post office, pharmacy, bank, and even to get a little gift at one of the shops, and come home with 5 miles under your belt. All in a day's running. If I had to choose ONE place to run, this would be the one, hands-down.

3) San Francisco, California -- You might shy away from SF, because of the hills, but not all of SF looks like the cable car line on California Street (read: near vertical). They have a great running culture there, including support in the form of stores. Aside from Fleet Feet, they also have Sports Basement. Located inside the old Presidio Commissary, it is probaby my new favorite running shop in California. They have all the stuff I might be able to find at Peak Performance Multisport or The Maine Running Company, my two favorite running/triathlon shops in Portland, Maine. Another cool thing about San Francisco is that there are still parcourses there. Remember those? Those were prevalent in the late 70s and early 80s, and they involved little signs that were here and there along a trail that invited you to stop running and do pushups, or situps, or stretches, before you headed off further down the trail. There is a "Game Field" (I think it's called that) at the Marina Green near the Marina Safeway store, which is the new millennium's version of a parcourse, where you appear to be able to stop and do all these things at once, before heading off again:

Marina Green Parcourse/Game Field, San Francisco

And do you want scenery? How about a run along the waterfront from the Embarcadero to the Presidio and back? Or a run across the Golden Gate Bridge? All things considered, these would make San Francisco fabulous, but they also have one thing that Eureka and Kennebunkport don't have, at least not that I'm aware of: they have running group support. There are multiple Running groups, not just in SF but also in the Bay Area, including the one that I MOST wish I could participate in, called WOW. WOW is a women's walking/running group, and they have meetups on a regular basis. You can run, walk, or both; they do training, races, track workouts, you name it. They meet 3-4 times a week at least in different parts of the bay area (Oakland, SF, Piedmont, etc.), and the website lists information such as whether there are portapotties, whether you need to bring water, and so forth. These women sound fantastic and I wish I could be part of such a group. They do drop-ins and you can join, too.

So these are my favorites. Eureka, Kennebunkport, San Francisco. Each different, each unique, but each offering variety. I think that's what I miss most about living where I do now.

So if you had to choose, what would be your top three favorite running cities, and why?

Have a fabulous day!