The scale said WHAT? (GAH!)

Oh man oh man oh man.

Everything associated with the move to California has been a mess. My weight is just one more part of it.

I gained 20 pounds in the move, and then stopped running and gained 15 more since December.

So now I'm flirting with the edge of 200, and feeling really annoyed about it.

However, I got back on track. I got a "fitbook", which I love, as it helps me plan and keep track of my exercise and nutrition (without freaking about calories), and I've been running 3 times per week plus doing strength training once or twice a week.

I lost five pounds the first week.

I gained two the next.

And today? The scale is telling me I gained three more. Along with 2% body fat!

How is this possible?? How can a person gain two percent body fat in three days--since Friday, when last I weighed myself??

Welcome back to Frustrationland!! AGAIN!

(Sigh!)

I don't understand this. I wish I hadn't bought one of those fancy scales that gives you the body fat percentage. It's just confusing me. I might give it away and get a cheapo plain scale.

I used to have a big, glass scale we got at Brookstone, and it was simply a digital scale. But it was so huge and heavy, and you couldn't tuck it away anywhere, so I gave it away when we moved. Oh, what I wouldn't give to have it back. I tracked in the 0.1 range for weight, and as I said--it didn't do the body fat thing.

Anyway, it really makes me mad more than anything. I didn't lose 100 pounds only to regain 35 of it.

Again, not that, in the grand scheme of things, it's such a huge deal. At a size 12, I'm still way more healthy than I was at a size 20. And being able to run a 5K at an 11 minute per mile pace is pretty darn awesome too. I'm sure my cholesterol and triglycerides are doing fine, they always are when I eat lots of salmon and walnuts and all that good stuff, which I am right now. In fact, I'm actually eating disgustingly healthfully, a lot of organic, very little sugar (OK I had two...three!...cookies yesterday), and lots of "real" food. I only shop the "perimeter" of the store, where all the fresh stuff is, and rarely venture into the aisles unless I need cereal for Kent and the kids.

What I'm not doing is eating a lot of veggies, but the fitbook has a checkoff for veggies so that's helping me there.

Again, as I said, in the grand scheme of things, I'm a lot healthier than I was. I'm more fit, more active, stronger, and more capable than I was for 15 years.

However, I'm not where I was last June, and right now that's killing me. I liked being that fit; I liked being able to run 20 miles. And I liked feeling slim and small, although I must admit, my face got a little too thin. I was looking a little haggard there. Or was that the two solid weeks of packing that did it? (wink!)

I think right now what's bothering me the most is that I don't feel small like I did before. I liked that feeling. Like Kent and I weren't the same size--and frankly, for a while, we were. And right now, with my clothes the wrong size, even if they're mediums and larges (and not extra-large or 1x or 2x), I still don't feel small.

So back to the drawing board. I just finished reading a book called Real Food, by Nina Planck, and she wrote a lot of interesting things about eating real eggs and real milk and even butter, not that I want to slather all my food in a pound of butter, but certainly it's better than hydrogenated margarine.

I will keep on the pace I'm on--strength training, running, and try to add walks in where I'm not doing either. And I'm tracking my food now, so I'll be better about getting those veggies and fruits in. That's something that, frankly, I've been horrible at lately, and I know that I was eating way more of them when I was lighter. And I need to re-read YOU: On a Diet, by Dr. Oz. I did that before and it helped me to see it was all physiological.

And right now, when the scale is telling me I gained 3 pounds and 2% body fat in one weekend, I need all the help I can get to remember it's NOT the Diet Gods out to get me.

I just gotta get back in the zone of want-power; I can do this. I did it before. I will do it again.

Have fun and enjoy health!

Wow!

This morning, Kent was a sweetie and let me sleep in. Considering I was up late last night, it was a nice thing for him to do.

What was so special? We went on a date night! :) My sister watched the girls, and we headed to dinner. A filet mignon and two mojitos were my choice, which is odd because I never, ever drink. And after a half mojito I was already a little buzzy. However, I decided I do like mojitos, but they aren't quite as good as Terminators...

I digress.

Anyway, after dinner we were going to see a movie, but we kept missing the times. The theatre we wanted to go to wasn't even showing anything until after 10, so we ended up spending an hour or so at Barnes & Noble, then driving around to find something to do.

We couldn't find anything to do. No comedy clubs, nothing obvious. There is no center of town here, so there's not even anyplace to walk around. Apparently you need to know where all the bars are, if that's your thing, because we couldn't even find any of those that we wanted to go to. Again, not like we're part of the bar crowd. I'm afraid two mojitos is my limit. Kent's is one mudslide. We're just not the partying type.

So we finally ended up--I am not kidding you--going to WalMart. We found a couple little toys for Karalyn, and Kent got some things for his class. The highlight for me was when I decided I didn't want to say I didn't do ANYTHING unusual (other than the mojitos) so I found a kid's bike with training wheels and rode that up and down the aisles a couple times.

I think the mojitos were still in effect at that point.

At 10:30, we finally got a donut and admitted defeat. The town had beaten us. There is NOTHING TO DO HERE.

However...

Sunday comes, and I finally got up at 11 a.m.; as I said, Kent was a sweetie to let me sleep. Maddy, very oddly, found my race number from the Kaiser-Permanente 5-miler I ran back in October, and brought it to me when I was just waking up.

"Look what I found, Mom!"

I glared at that number. Five miles. It was taunting me. It was also a bit freaky--I'd been lying there, debating: did I want to run four miles today, or aim for five?

Stupid number.

I got up and got ready for a run. But first, a quick pop onto Facebook to update my status.

Yes I am that addicted!

I posted that I was debating four or five miles, and a treadmill run at the Y (this had been my plan), but that I was considering a trail run by the Sundial Bridge. Up until I looked out the window, the Y was firmly in my sights. But it was so sunny and cool, it seemed like perfect running weather.

My friend's daughter immediately posted me back, "Go for a run on the trails. More fun than the Y. Wish I could run a mile!"

That did it. I fueled up with a banana and a bit of peanut butter, took two bottles of water, and drove out to the bridge.

The beginning of the run was a little hard. The first mile of a run is always the hardest, until you get your stride and your legs warm up. But considering I had run, at most, 4 minutes at a shot, I was definitely still rocky. However, I decided that this would be the day. I was going to run a mile, straight through. It's a familiar path, and I thought I could do it. I decided not to dwell on time or speed, but simply to "put in the distance."

I kept repeating that: "Simply do the distance. Put in the distance. It's all about the mileage. Forget the time. Forget the speed." And I kept at it.

Halfway through my mile, I got the ridiculous urge to make it two miles.

Ridiculous? I'll say! The last time I ran a consecutive mile without stopping was October. I am not sure when is the last time I ran two straight through without stopping. We might have to go back to September or even August!

But the thought was there. "I can do it," I argued with myself, listening to my iPod and trying not to notice the strong headwind blowing in my face. "I can do this. I can run for 24 minutes."

24 minutes is what I figured it would take to get to the 2-mile turnaround point, which I had memorized from my couch-to-10K program of last fall. That would be a 12-minute mile, and a good pace. Easy. Not too speedy, not too focused on time.

I kept at it. It was hard. It was really hard. But as I passed the mile marker, I permitted myself a little bit of a grin. I'd done a mile--ok. One more.

14 minutes passed. 16. 18. At 18, I told myself, "2/3 of the way through now."

19. 20. 21. 22...and then suddenly, I saw it. It was my turnaround--the 2 mile marker. But I was too close for it to be 24 minutes! Was I on a faster pace than I thought?

I hit the marker at 23:13, which made it for just over an 11 1/2 minute per mile pace.

Whoah! I did it! And faster than I had thought I would!

I felt great, but that was nothing compared to the rest of the run.

Today was the kind of day I haven't had since my last Presidential 5-mile loop in Kennebunkport, last October. The next 3 1/2 miles--yes, I did 5 1/2 in all today--started to be more about fun than about plodding or tired legs. I decided I'd aim for 4 minutes run, 30 seconds walking, or therabouts, as I had been doing all week. But somehow the four minutes blew past and I was suddenly at five before I decided to slow down and walk a little.

It was so cool. I was focusing on the view, which frankly is magnificent--there may be no nightlife, but the recreational activities for daytime are fantastic!--and I was so busy watching the river, and the snow-capped mountain in the distance, and the ducks and geese flying overhead, I kept forgetting that I was running.

How's that for amazing! I forgot what I was doing and just ran, and now and again I'd walk and stretch--the stretching was crucial, I'm still very stiff and my flexibility is shot. But I'd walk and stretch, then start to dance a bit to the music, and before I knew it the dance turned into a run, almost without my noticing!

There was so much joy and freedom in it...I wish I could explain it, but with every step I felt more like myself than I have for the last eight months, ever since we moved to California.

I felt like I was coming home to me. It was...amazing. It was cathartic. It was a revelation.

I might not like where I am, but I can still be me while I'm here. It doesn't have to be the way it was when we first arrived--the stress, the negativity, the heaviness of spirit!

Wow!

The run ended up being one of the most FUN runs I have had in months. I really just enjoyed the day. The weather was perfect, the temperature cold enough to keep me cooled off while I ran. The people were all friendly, waving or smiling or simply nodding as I passed. I felt like so much more than I have been for months. I did what felt like an easy run/walk, but it was more time running and less walking than I've done since last year.

It was all just so cool!

I know, I'm gushing. I can't help it. LOL. I'm sure later on I'll edit the daylights out of this post, but for now I'm letting it stand.

I had the best day! And the rest of it--well it was just fun and easy and calm. And I felt good. I cleaned the house, and made three different nut butters (peanut butter, cashew butter, and almond butter); I played with the girls, and got them dinner, put them to bed and even read with Maddy. And it was easy and fun and enjoyable and relaxing.

Wow. I was relaxed! What a concept! I haven't been relaxed in...you guessed it! MONTHS! LOL!

And after the last few months I've had...well, that was a revelation in and of itself!

I'll end this now before it gets too gushy, LOL! I did want to add that while I was running, I suddenly really listened to the lyrics of a particular song. Yes, it's from High School Musical II, and yes I do listen to that music. It's from my daughter's CD, but I like it too. It's fun and upbeat and I like musicals. So sue me. :)

But, as I ran, the lyrics kind of caught me and made me think, OK, yeah, this is about being MYSELF, for the first time in a long time. I'll post a little bit of them below. See what you think.

Have a great day, and as always...have fun!

________________________________________________________________

They say that you should follow
and chase down what you dream,
but if you get lost and lose yourself
what does is really mean?

No matter where we’re going,
it starts from where we are.
There’s more to life when we listen to our hearts
and because of you, I’ve got the strength to start

Everyday
of our lives,
wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight
Gonna run
while we’re young
and keep the faith.

You know you've overdone it when...

...using deodorant hurts.

I mean, it really hurts. As in, your armpits go, "Oh my god, why are you beating me with a stick?!"

Well. I guess we can say that the 55 minutes of strenth training was effective. I haven't felt this sore since I played "let's see how many times Mommy can jump up and down" with baby Karalyn.

She won. That's how pathetic my jumping skills are.

Anyway, my lofty and high-minded goal of heading to the Y for another run workout today had to be sidelined. It's hard to run when you can't move your arms. Or your quads, for that matter.

I suppose it's to be expected. I have been doing little weight-lifting routines the past couple weeks, but I haven't really gone all-out, as my trainer Isaiah in Maine taught me to do. He was very specific about which exercises, which weights, and how many sets and reps (2 sets at 12 reps each) that I needed to do to gain strength.

He was also very specific in telling me that I should never do the same thing two days in a row...and that a day of rest is required to let your body heal and get stronger after an all-out effort.

That's what today has become: rest and repair.

Anyway, thankfully I'm a bit of a Cybex nut in that I remember exactly which machines he taught me to use, in which order, and at which settings, even though he taught me this stuff over a year ago.

But why weightlifting? If I'm running, wouldn't it stand to reason that I wouldn't want to bulk up?

You would think that would be the case, but this is when the beauty of being a women actually gives us an advantage.

Women don't bulk up.

Don't believe it when people say, "Oh, if you lift weights, you'll bulk up like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Barry Bonds." (OK, admittedly, at least one of those guys used steroids...) Women simply do not bulk up that way. We don't have the testosterone that is required, for one. For a more thorough examination as to why women don't bulk up, read this.

So it turns out that lifting weights is an important part of being a runner. I had no idea; Isaiah had told me that weight lifting would help my muscles stay lean, strong and healthy, and that would help me be a good runner, but it wasn't until I visited an orthopedic surgeon in York, Maine that I got a real wakeup call.

I went to see him in the late fall of 2007. I was experiencing knee pain--not when I ran, but when I sat at my 2nd job at William Arthur, putting decorative touches like bows and ribbons on special-ordered greeting cards and announcements. I tended to sit with my ankles crossed, which made my knees kind of splay out...and my left knee would hurt so badly that I couldn't even walk for a few minutes. Oddly, though, running helped it feel better.

The doctor put me through a full range-of-motion test, and after a thorough examination, declared that there was nothing wrong with my knee. But he cautioned me before I left.

"You need to start lifting weights," he said. "Strength training is essential, especially for runners. And," he added, "if you don't do it, I guarantee you, 100%, you will be back to see me with some real knee problems in the future."

Wow. Who knew.

So yesterday, thinking that it was high time I got my strength training going for real, I went to the Y with Karalyn. She's allowed to be in child care for 90 minutes, so rather than walk first, then fit in the strength training, I flipped them. I did the strength training first, although I did do a 5-minute warmup walk first as Isaiah had trained me.

It took about 55 minutes. I can't even begin to tell you all the weights I used, but I exercised pretty much every part of my body except my stomach. I hate crunches, much as I know I should be doing them, especially as a strong core is essential to running.

The strength training is good for more than just proper running form or for a strong, lean physique. It also helps you keep good posture. Think that's not a biggie? Think again. Twice in my life I've had to have Physical Therapy to lengthen the muscles in my chest and shorten them in my back, due to hunching my shoulders forward...granted, it was while breastfeeding, but it's common to end up in that position while on a computer as well. Doing PT exercises and hearing your chest go "crunch" when you straighten up are not fun things!

Anyway, as I noted yesterday, I also spent some time walking and sprinting. Sprints are good for speed training, and they also act like metabolic boosters by ramping up calorie-burning. You burn a lot of calories when you walk, you burn more when you run, but you really torch them when you add high-speed bursts to walking or running.

Not that the goal of an athlete is necessarily calorie-burning; it's training, first and foremost. But sometimes training includes reducing a gut that you let build up (guilty!) due to holidays, stress, or injury. That's when the calorie-burning becomes somewhat more important.

So today I am feeling it. It hurts to be in almost any position. But it's not hideously painful, it's more like a dull ache than a sharp OUCH...except when I used that deodorant this morning.

THAT hurt.

Guess those pullups and dips I did, along with the rowing and delts and all the other stuff really made a difference, huh?

Dean Karnazes says in his book, Ultramarathon Man: Confessions of An All-Night Runner, "Pain is the body's way of ridding itself of weakness."

The book also says, "If it comes easy, if it doens't require extraordinary effort, you're not pushing hard enough. It's supposed to hurt like hell." "

OK, Karno. Gotcha.

Apparently, I'm doing something right.

Have fun!

5Ks and other fun stuff

Well I forgot how much fun running can be!

I know, I know. That probably sounds a lot like, "Wow, I forgot how much having a root canal with no anesthesia can be!"

But it's true. When everything "clicks", running is just...joyous. I had completely forgotten that in all the chaos of the past eight months or so.

Last week, when I was into my 2nd week of my couch-to-Bay-To-Breakers-12K program that I made up for myself, I was seriously wondering if I had completely lost my mind. I have been starting slow, doing run/walk intervals. In my past running life, that meant run 2 miles, walk a minute. My new goal was to simply run for three minutes, after which I would reward myself with 30 seconds of walking.

Oh, and that run? Yeah. It was at a 5 mph pace, which is a 12-minute mile. That's my former "I'm dilly-dallying" or "I'm running 20 miles today so I'm taking it easy" pace. (Whine!)

Was it a "taking it easy pace" last week? Heck no! It was almost an all-out, do-it-or-die sprint!

That's how fast you lose your running mojo. Three months and wham, I'm back to being a beginner.

But wait? What glimmer of hope was that? I ran a 5K one day, and 4 miles two days later.

I know, I know. I had to walk 1 1/2 minutes of every darned mile, but I did it. I put in the mileage.

Fast-forward to St. Patrick's Day. Despite it being a "Baby Gymnastics" day, I didn't dare take Karalyn to the YMCA child care center. She was still too sick. So I had to wait until Kent got home, at which time I dashed off to do a quick hour on the treadmill.

See what I mean? An hour on the treadmill. And I'm treating it like a "quick hour" running.

That's how fast the running bug bites you.

So anyway, I realized that if I intended to get everyone fed and to bed on time, I really only had about 40 minutes, plus driving time, but I thought I might be able to get a 5K out of it. I started two weeks ago with 2 minute run/30 second walk intervals; last week, I went to 3 minute run/30 second walk. Naturally, this week, I went to 4 minute run/30 second walk.

I was prepared to die on that treadmill. Last week I was seriously dying, slogging through those three minutes, watching the clock, counting each 60 seconds, thinking there had to be something wrong with my watch interval timer. I scraped through by my fingernails, and worried about what this week would bring.

So I got on the treadmill, hit the button to start my 12 min/mile pace, and went at it. 4 minutes run, 30 seconds walk.

2 miles in, I'm thinking, what's going on here? I didn't get it. I wasn't nearly as winded as I had been last week. I was flying right along, barely noticing until the timer beeped that it was time to do the walk. I seriously debated running through the intervals but decided to do it the right way. But after 2 miles, I kept thinking, "This should be harder."

I was flying! It was slow, but I had that "flying" feeling back, just like I used to get on my favorite five-mile run, the Presidential Loop in Kennebunkport, Maine.

Like the running was effortless.

Light.

Fun!

So, being the glutton for punishment that I am, I upped the speed. I thought, "I should be working harder here. I'm not nearly winded enough." (I'm such a dork!) So I bumped it up to a 10 minute 56 second-per-mile pace, with 4 minutes run/30 seconds walk.

That felt a little tougher, but even that wasn't quite enough. I did another mile, and thought, for the last tenth, I'll just bump it up to a ten-minute-per-mile pace for the last tenth.

My vanity got the best of me; after a tenth of a mile, I thought, "That was it?" and ran another tenth.

My Personal St. Patrick's Day 5K turned into a 5K-Plus-1/10th-mile run!

Time? 38:56.

No, it was definitely not blazingly fast, but better than, oh, say, three weeks ago when I wasn't running AT ALL.

But in the meantime, I discovered this visceral joy in running. It was so easy and effortless that I was watching Oprah and not even noticing the time go by. I was tempted to say that Oprah was just too distracting--and yes, medical mistakes CAN be quite distracting--but nothing is THAT distracting when you're having a hard run.

It's when it's easy that I lose myself and feel like I could run forever.

I went home afterwards, and longingly looked at the Honolulu Marathon website. I kept thinking, "I ran 20 miles. I was going to do San Francisco, but then the move from hell happened, and I never did it...I knew when I did that 20 miler that I could have definitely done six more. I nearly did then. I wish I had...but that's OK. Now, I want to do THIS marathon!"

I blurted it out to Kent. "Hon, I want to do the Honolulu Marathon. It's the one I really wanted to do. It was my first goal. I think I want to go for it this year."

His reaction?

"OK."

...Oh. OK then! We're on!

My new goal: December 13, 2009: The Honolulu Marathon. It'll give me a chance to go back to my old stomping grounds. I haven't been there since that summer of 1982. It's been so long. I want to see the old apartment complex, and walk my favorite walk from Kapiolani Park down to the Hale Koa hotel. I want to check out Ala Moana, and take the tram at Pearlridge. And I want to smell all the plumeria I can get my hands on. They're still one of my favorite flowers.

It's my goal. I am already checking out flights, and now I simply need either to reserve a room at a hostel, or find someone to go with me to split the hotel costs. Kent is willing to stay with the girls, although perhaps our parents can watch them and we can go together. It's a thought.

But this time, I'm not going to stress over whether I can go fast enough to beat 5 hours. I will train to complete it; if I break 5 hours, great. If not, I just want to finish it. It's a better goal for a marathon "virgin" anyway.

Anyway, this morning, since Kara was better and I didn't feel like I'd subject other kids to her cold, I planned to go to the Y to do weight training and then simply walk for a bit, but after almost an hour of Cybex (including a very humbling assisted-weight pullup session lasting for exactly THREE pullups), I got on the treadmill and soon was doing what I call "reverse intervals", with 2 minutes' walking and 30 seconds in an all-out sprint.

I used to do these on a six-minute-per-mile pace; the best I could scrape out was an 8-minute-per-mile pace today. It was tough, but I had a good time with it.

Tomorrow, more running on tap. I think I'll aim for another four miles. I am hopeful that I'll have another "flying" day, but if there is one thing I have found in running, it is that the days you expect to be easy rarely are; and sometimes, the days you expect to be the most impossible end up being the kind of days you live for.

Have a lovely day, and here's to an even better tomorrow...we hope!

Officially Back in Training

Today was my 2nd day of run training. I am back at it. But to explain how, I first have to back up a bit...

On Saturday, Feb. 28, I went to Sacramento on my own to get this laptop (MacBook) repaired--there was a crack in the casing. While I was there, I went to SportsAuthority, and looked for a sports watch. I needed one in the worst way. I totally scored, and found a brand new UnderArmour training watch. It was normally priced $89, and was marked down to $50. I was so excited; the price was right, and it had all the features I needed. It's pink and it has a chronometer and an interval timer. The chronometer tracks my overall time and the splits (individual laps or segments of sport, such as in a triathlon), up to 75 different splits. The interval timer lets me program run/walk intervals, with an alarm, so I can run a set time and then walk a set time, which is a standard training routine for new runners, or returning runners like me.

So now, we're heading back up to last Tuesday. I took out my new watch, and set it with two intervals: a 2 minute, and a 30 second. That is, I planned to do 2 minutes of running followed by a 30 second walk. I hoped I'd be able to handle that much running, and that I wouldn't have to dial up the walk segment to a minute or even (gasp) time equal to running.

After Karalyn went to baby Gymnastics last week, I dropped her off at child care to "play", which she willingly did in lieu of going home for a nap, and then I hit the treadmill.

I went two miles of run/walk, and walked an additional two after that. It was tough but I did it. I walked the next day, and that was it for the week.

Cue up the music for today...duh duh DUHHH! What would have happened after one single run? I decided to be positive, and so I reset my watch for a 3 minute run, 30 second walk. Once again, after baby Gymnastics, Kara went to play and I hit the treadmill.

Watching the little TV monitor on the treadmill kept me occupied so I didn't dwell on the time. I watched "What Not To Wear," which is a really fun show where people's wardrobes are hijacked, dumped, and then the two hosts give the person $5 grand to buy a new wardrobe, following their suggestions. The lady today had lost a lot of weight but still had the roll around the middle...sort of like me!...and so it was interesting to see what kind of wardrobe they had her choose. She was still a size 18 or so, which I am not any longer--I'm currently a 12, up from my former size 8 in Maine--but it was still interesting.

The time flew by and before I knew it, I had run a 5K. I did 3.2 miles! I was elated! I walked an additional 2 miles, like last week, and then realized that, along with the elation, I felt depressed at the same time.

Depressed? Why?

My pace was pretty much a 12-minute mile pace, or 5 mph. That was my slow-and-easy pace when I ran my 20 miles back in May, and even back then I wasn't doing a 3 minute run and 30 second walk. I was running pretty much the full five miles with a short break and then rehitting another 5, for four loops. My normal easy pace was 10 minute miles for 6 miles at a time (sometimes more, up to 12 miles); my race pace was around a 9 minute mile. And here I was, run/walking a 12 minute mile.

However, the sense of elation returned when I realized that after months of not running, I was able to run/walk a 5K faster than the first ever 5K I walked with Maddy, way back in 2007. I also remembered a post I saw late last night when I was perusing a site called "43 things" that there were a whole lot of people who had as a goal, "Run one mile". And I thought...I just did 3.2, on 2 days' practice.

So I'll take being elated. My training will be to compete in the 12K Bay t0 Breakers race in San Francisco. There is a killer hill early in, and I know I will probably have to walk at least some of that, but I hope to run the rest of it, at least most of the rest of it. That will be about an 8 mile run. I've walked it before, and was wicked sore afterwards, but that was back in 1992 and I was also horribly unfit back then. I have been wanting to do the Bay to Breakers for almost 2 years, now, and now I will have my chance.

I hope to run more this week. We head to Eureka for a family visit this weekend, and I plan to do some running there, too. Hopefully by the time next Tuesday rolls around, I will be able to maybe bump it up to 4 minutes' run, 30 second walk. We'll see.

Either way, I'm back in training! Yay me! :)