Felled By Peanut Butter

I'm sure you're reading this title, thinking, "Does she mean she got slammed by the recent peanut butter recall?"

More than we might have originally thought.

In my last blog, I talked quite a lot about how my departure from my former running lifestyle had put me so far off the path of excellent health that I got slammed by the stomach flu.

Well, it may be that it wasn't the flu at all.

I found out yesterday that my Clif Bars, my favorites--chocolate chip peanut crunch, or whatever they are called--were potentially part of the recall. So I went to look at what I had left, to see whether the ones I had were in fact from the suspect batch.

They were.

Last week, on Monday or Tuesday I think, I had one of the suspect bars. A day and a half or two later--totally within the incubation period for salmonella--I got slammed with the worst stomach cramps, diarrhea, and vomiting I have ever had.

Even in April of 2006, I didn't throw up. I just don't do that. This time, however, I did.

I remember also that one of those days, Maddy ate part of one of my bars. She didn't like it however so I got her a chocolate brownie bar...and she ended up sick right along with me. I don't remember if it was the same week; if it was, it makes it very suspect.

Also, at the same time I had my Clif bar, I gave Kara a nip of it as well, because she was asking for a piece. She only had a little of that corner I gave her, and then chucked the rest...but then within a day, she was also down with the same thing I had (but thankfully without the severe cramps that had me on the floor). She actually got it before the rest of us did, but then again...she's a toddler, too.

So...was it salmonella? Maybe? Possibly. It's definitely within the realm of possibility. At this point, we can't know for sure, because it's been over a week. They could try to do the testing but it's like closing the barn door after the horse has already bolted--we don't know that we would find anything. The time to test it was when I was in the throes of it, but we didn't know at that point about the recall on Clif bars. Argh!

That's the other thing that makes us, including Auntie Sue (the nurse) wonder if it was salmonella--I am still a bit nauseated from time to time, and it doesn't take that long to get over stomach flu. It was almost a solid week before I could try "real" food...I got sick Wednesday night last week, and I first ate a meal of "real food"--half a burrito--on Wednesday. Until then it was two or three days of Smarties and flat soda; then it was bananas, rice, applesauce, toast, juice, flat soda, and pasta. That was it.

I haven't been that sick in years and years and years.

Anyway, so I'm pretty torqued at the Clif company. I like their bars because at least some of it is organic. I realize to make everything organic would require raising prices, but if they hadn't gotten their peanut butter from the company that made the tainted stuff, this might not have happened to me.

To think...sometimes Karalyn has some of my Clif Bar.

The state of our food supply is scandalous. When every couple months you have people dying over food, there is something seriously wrong.

Anyway, so this weekend I need to go back to Costco, because that's where I bought my bars. Most of them have been eaten, and I half expect them to give me grief because of what I'm bringing back.

If they do, I'll offer to let them take care of my medical bills instead. That ought to get their attention.

Grr. I'm so annoyed. Time to just start making my own, I guess. I already make my own peanut butter.

It's a sorry world when food kills.

Just a thought.

New Year, New Me?

Wow. I thought I was going to be better about this, and somehow life intervened. It's been a crazy ride but I think we're settled, now...

When last I posted, I had joined a couch-to-10K program. That kinda went by the wayside, although it got me trained enough to run the Portland, Oregon Kaiser Permanente 5-miler in early October, and in about a 10 1/2 min/mile pace, which is not bad considering how out of practice I was. The 5-miler was run just after the Portland Oregon marathon was begun; being there with the other marathoners was energizing, and the announcer who was telling everyone to stick with their training, hydrate, and so forth was really amazing.

Anyway, the next week I found myself back home in Maine for a fabulous two weeks with my girls. Kent stayed home to teach, but we got to go back and see our friends, stay overnight in our own house, stay the last time in my in-laws' condo (it has since been sold), and say a proper goodbye to all the places we love. And we got to spend time with Auntie Sue, the girls' Godmother, who drove up from Hoboken to be with us for a couple of the days.

My house in Maine

When we got back to Redding, we were essentially homeless; my sister had decided while we were in Maine that since she had upcoming surgery, she would need her "space" and "quiet", and told Kent we needed to be out by the following Sunday, the day after we arrived back home. She eventually relented enough to tell Kent that he and Maddy could stay there, but that Kara and I had to go to Eureka. Considering I had to be in Redding quite a lot anyway since we were in escrow on a house, that made no sense, and Kent refused to split us up, especially since we were still living out of suitcases. All our stuff was still in storage in Maine.

Anyway, that gave us exactly 5 days to find someplace to live; considering nobody rents apartments starting the middle of the month, and we couldn't afford anything more than a no-tell motel (which I would not subject my daughters to), we ended up moving to my in-laws' home in Willow Creek, two hours away. Thus began a hellacious 2-week odyssey of driving back and forth from Willow Creek to Redding, two hours each way, every singe day. Even on the weekend we had to drive in for either horse lessons for Maddy or school events for Kent. On only two days did Kara and I stay home; the other days we drove in. I could recount the hours spent sitting in the parking lot of the local library while Kara slept in the car, as we waited for Kent and Maddy to get done with school so we could drive two hours back to Willow Creek, only to do it all over again the next day...but it would bore you as much as it did me.

It takes a lot of work to be homeless.

Finally, we were in an apartment for a month. Kara and I went out almost daily for a run and walk, because there was nothing else to do but sit there and watch tv, which got very boring. That month went by in a blur of nothingness, but finally our anniversary arrived at the end of November, and with it the keys to our new home.

Our "home away from home" while in exile in California

We quickly started moving our possessions over to the house--what little we had, which was what we brought with us in the car and what came over with Maddy, and the few things we'd bought since. My in-laws AGAIN came through by bringing us some beds and blankets, some utensils, cups and so forth, so we could move into our home for real. We lived like that for a week, until our things finally arrived from Maine on December 5, 2008--almost exactly five months after we had packed them.

We were so happy to see the word MAINE on this truck!

The next month (December) was taken up with finishing painting (almost the entire inside), unpacking, putting away, setting up, and breaking down boxes. It took two weeks, and then we were off to Eureka for Christmas with the family. We were there for a week, and Kara had her 2nd birthday party at my in-laws' house the day after Christmas. Then we came back home, and started to live "life for real".

Looking back, I suppose my sister did us a favor overall. Despite the two hour drive, my daughter announced that she'd rather do the drive if it meant we got to be a family again, just us four. And it was nice to get back into our own routines, and not always worry about if I was disturbing them when they were trying to watch tv. I did that one time too many, and I just couldn't handle it anymore.

The sad part is that my sister's and my relationship is somewhat strained since; I was angry enough not to go see her in the hospital, where her cyst removal turned into a hysterectomy; she was insensitive enough to tell me that she "wished" that she and I "had the kind of relationship" where we were like best friends.

My apologies for digressing here...but it IS my blog, isn't it? ;D ...what blows me away is that I am used to the kind of relationship where people do what they can to help, and you do the same. It's not like I didn't cook, or clean; I did. It's not like I didn't run errands and ferry kids around; I did. But when it came down to it, she was interested in her recovery to the exclusion of everyone else.

My example of the difference is this: that when her ex-husband's truck died, it was our brother who drove him an hour away to his home; when she needs her kids to go to Eureka because she's got something else to do, she either has our parents drive over to get them, or she meets them "halfway" in Weaverville...two hours for them, one for her. By comparison, when my in-laws realized that our whole family was down with the flu, they offered to drive six hours to pick up Auntie Sue (who's flying in to Oakland tomorrow), then another four to drive her up to Redding; then they'd still have three more to get home.

THAT is the kind of give-and-take we're used to. And can't you tell, it still bothers me.

Wow, that was really a digression. But that's also part of the "What the heck are we doing here" piece, because if we're here for family, and that family routinely puts themself first to the exclusion and detriment of everyone else...well, that's not the kind of family connection we were looking for. We want to be loved, not "used". We want family to want to come over and visit, not ask us to come pick up her kid and ferry her here or there.

So since we got settled into our new house, I've been looking for jobs. I want something I can do after school is over so I can stay home with Kara, and I'm selfish enough to want to love what I'm doing. I have a feeling that's pretty selfish, especially in this economy.

I've also done a little running, once with Maddy. But I hadn't really gotten back into things. Something felt...off. Weird. I think it's not being in Maine. Kent and I keep saying, Yes, we're here for family...but that's it. There is no other connection. The crazy weather (80 degrees yesterday on January 15!!) is kinda nice, especially since it's 1 degree (yes, ONE) in Kennebunkport tonight...but other than that? Nothing. We just don't feel this place is home. We keep saying, "two years". We'll see...it depends on whether Kent can get rehired at his old place on the pay scale. If he has to start over...well...maybe not.

So things were going along kinda weird, like I didn't know what was next...and then Kara got sick...and then I got slammed. Think an hour and a half of cramping stomach that has you rolling around on the ground talking about the emergency room. The only reason I didn't let Kent take me was I didn't want to wake the girls. Holy cow. It eventually passed, but I had the worst stomach flu over the next 24 hours. As a runner, I never got sick much--and I haven't been that sick since April of 2006, which I remember because it's when I discovered I was pregnant with Kara.

The illness was eye-opening, though. I realized how far I had gone from my healthy lifestyle. I was staying up late, not sleeping enough, not eating well, not drinking enough water (although I drink a lot of decaf tea), and definitely not running or even walking. I spend too much time hunched over a computer--granted, some of it job-searching--but as I was lying there between spasms on the floor, I told Kent, "I'm so sorry, I can't believe this, you're awake because I let this happen." He ended up having to the day off school because he was up most of the night with me; then it turned into two days off school when Maddy came down with the same thing I did. Poor Kent had to disinfect floors (after Maddy "christened" them being sick all the way down the thankfully-tiled hallway), make runs to the store for sprite and kids' motrin, and basically run things while I spent most of my time in bed or curled up in a ball somewhere.

Today I felt well enough to actually get up and start doing some laundry that needed to be washed. All I needed was to let some germ-infested blanket re-infect us all! Kent is a little bit sick now, too, not nearly where we were, but definitely sick. The plague has definitely hit.

So I got to wondering, what lessons do I learn from this mis-adventure? A lot! And oddly enough, I already learned them once before:

• Get enough sleep. This is job #1!
• Eat good food. Eat REAL food--nothing processed, nothing fake, just good stuff as close to its natural state as possible.
• Drink enough water; decaf tea works but water is really excellent for keeping you hydrated. Important when you're sick.
• Get out for walks at least, runs if possible.
• Keep everyone to a good, solid schedule, so that everyone has enough energy and fuel to get them through their various activities.
• Have a purpose, a goal, a focus.

This last one is what's been eluding me. In Maine, I was working at Borders, watching while Kara grew up, and enjoying the waxing and waning of each year through the various seasons. Here, everything is pretty much always the same; sometimes it's a bit colder, sometimes a bit warmer, but there are flowers blooming outside the local Holiday Market, for heaven's sake! There are no seasons to this place, so it is hard to find any kind of natural beginning and ending to anything. It's all kind of the same.

I don't have a job yet, and we are not connected to this house at all. Again, I go back to feeling like we're here treading water, just biding our time until we can go home. A forced exile, if you will. We are Mainer Expatriates living in a foreign culture.

So my purpose, my goal, my focus....

Well, there is a half marathon coming up in May in Humboldt County, and the Bay to Breakers in San Francisco in May as well. Those will do for goals. Purpose and focus? Be a good Mom, I suppose; help us get through the time until we decide we want to stay here for sure, or go home. We do still have our house there. It never sold, so it's being rented. That means we do still have time to decide if we want to go back. Right now, we say resoundingly yes!

The big part of my focus is going to be not getting myself so unhealthy that I fall prey to illnesses that I would normally shrug off. I know I left myself wide open for this--my sister and her girls got sick often enough while we were there that I should have gotten something, but I never did. Until I stopped running, sleeping, and eating properly.

The purpose? I'm not so sure. I'm still working on that one. I know we're here in California for something; the job was too easy to get, the move to fast to have been without reason. As my father-in-law said, it was the right decision at the time. Now? We feel it was a massive error. But we didn't know until we tried. So now we sit and wait to find out why we were led out here. I don't know what that is; maybe it's simply to ensure we can be here when my father turns 80 next month. Who knows. Whatever it is, I have no doubt that it will reveal itself in time.

So, meanwhile...a new year, a new me. Back in the saddle for real. If this illness wasn't my wake-up call, I don't know what it was.

I'm heeding the call. Time to get up and lace up those Nikes!

Best wishes to you all for a lovely, prosperous, healthy, and JOYFUL 2009! We will be joyful tomorrow, when a bit of home in the form of Auntie Sue comes to visit for a week. Yay!